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How to Talk to Women

Feb 27, 2008
A lot of men struggle to talk to women they don't know. Often, until a man is totally comfortable with a woman, he will hide behind standard 'chit chat' and emotionally guarded conversation.

However, that strategy ensures that you will be overlooked by most women. Why? Because women love a man who can talk to them, understand them and connect with them - while also being able to add in humor and flirting.

As a man, it is always your responsiblity to lead conversations toward connecting on a deeper level. Here's a recent example of how I used this approach on a waitress...

I'd already sparked strong attraction with flirting and playful cockiness, so I started to ask some questions to get to know a little more about her. Notice how I make genuine statements to encourage more open and emotional responses from her:

Me: So how was your Saturday?
Her: Not bad, I slept in.
Me: *Laughing quietly, nodding to myself and smiling*...out partying last night?
Her: No I was working here until 3am.
Me: Nice...okay, so tell me - what do you do for fun during the week?
Her: Umm...well, I'm learning two languages.

This is where I switched to a deeper, more meaningful conversation that allowed the waitress and I to connect.

Me: Now that's interesting...learning one language is hard enough, but two? Geez...I love the idea of learning another language...what languages are you learning?
Her: French and Italian.
Me: Awesome...French is such a sexy language and Italian - such rich culture y'know. When I think of Italy I think of tasty, tasty cooking...mmm...so, why did you choose those two languages?
Her: Exactly that! I just love the cultures there...
Me: I can totally relate...I've always wanted to learn Japanese because when I think of Japan I think: Quality food, quality technology, quality culture, quality landscapes, quality people...it's just quality.

She went on to explain her deep feelings behind wanting to learn French and Italian.

Talking From Your Perspective: The conversation technique of 'talking from your perspective' is one of the easiest and most effective ways to connect with women on a deep rapport level.

Notice how I talked from my perspective in the previous example. One key aspect to success with this conversatiol technique is to often end it with a question.

Not always, because sometimes a woman will be so interested in the conversation that she will volunteer her commentary without you having to prompt her.

Here are some examples of how to talk to women, by talking from your perspective and ending your comments with a question.

You: I really love the beach on summer nights. Especially that point in the night where people start to feel calmer and more relaxed by the fresh change in the breeze... when it comes in so noticeably after a long, hot day. I love that. Have you ever gone to the beach at that time of night?

Or:

You: I don't like this restaurant. The chairs here are pretty crappy and those paintings are awful. It's like this place is stuck in a time warp. I like the food though... I should hire one of the chefs to cook for me.

Or:

You: I reckon bourbon sucks... scotch whiskey has a much more refined taste. It dances on your mouth... like a naked ballerina or something. What's your favorite drink?

Or:

You (to a male friend): Hey man, you're late again. I don't like it when you disrespect my time like that...anyway, let's go get that coffee. How was your drive over here?

Have you noticed the common element of each example so far? I've included the word "I" and I am talking about what I like/dislike/find interesting, etc.

Instead of saying, "This bar is good," say "I like this bar...the people here are cool."

Instead of saying, "The weather is nice today," say "I like this kind of weather. Reminds me of ______"

If you talk from your perspective, you'll notice that people will open up a lot easier when interacting with you. Why? It shows that you are comfortable expressing yourself and are not talking to them like a stranger would.

Well, I hope you've enjoyed this article on how to talk to women. Put some of the techniques into practice and see where it leads you.
About the Author
Dan Bacon is the CEO of TheModernMan.com who provide dating advice for men.

How to Talk to Women Conversation Starters
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