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Tips For Approaching Women

Feb 27, 2008
Imagine three women sitting around a table in funky lounge bar. They are laughing loudly and having a great time together.

Could you approach those women, start a conversation, continue the conversation, have a laugh together and then get one of the women's phone numbers to follow up for a date?

If no, then here are some tips for approaching women, including what to say and how to behave.

In the same example above (women in a bar, sitting and the table and having fun) a guy walks over to them to start an interaction. He's nervous and quietly takes a seat next to them and meekly says "Hi."

It's all wrong. Not only do women find nervousness unattractive, but he has also started the interaction with the wrong 'vibe' for the situation.

When beginning an interaction with a group, your energy level should be equal to slightly higher than theirs. Don't be an energy leech, or a downer to the flow of their energies.

For example: You walk into a bar and notice four women in a group. They are laughing together quietly and having what looks like an interesting conversation.

How could you start the interaction? Try this: "Hey...I thought I'd come over and say hi...you guys look like you're having fun...my name's _________ so, what's been happening?"

Making Chit-Chat and 'Vibing': Vibing can be described as 'a positive, social rhythm between people.'

It is a crucial skill to learn that makes it easy to get along and connect with women and people. Many people ruin the flow of social interactions by unknowingly spoiling the vibe.

In this next example, I'm going to highlight how not to use the word 'but' in conversation if someone asks you "So, you like football because it's a team game, right?"

Bad vibing "Yeah, but going to the match is what I really like best about football."

Good vibing "Yes, definitely...You're right - it's a good team game. I love being at the match as well. You ever been to a match?"

Can you spot the difference? The subtle inclusion of the word 'but' instead of 'and' changes the meaning and feeling of your response. It basically says, "Yes, but you are more wrong that you are right. So, you really don't know me and we don't connect very well."

Whenever you say, "Yes, but _________" you effectively negate the other person's input and are basically saying no instead of yes.

You want to create momentum and flow in the interaction, instead of stopping it every few sentences with a but.

Example: Being too technical.

Your housemate: Hey, I got a new toaster. Isn't it cool?
You: Cool! I won't have to waste time toasting each side under the griller now. Nice work!
Your housemate: It doesn't take that long under the griller...

Can you spot the bad viber? Yes, it's your annoying housemate.

Example: Not allowing you to enjoy your fleeting moment of excitement.

You: Hey, I got this new jumper at a bargain price! Guess how much?
Other person: I don't know... $5 bucks?
You: Ummm...no actually, it was $85...but that's still 50% off and a good bargain.
Friend: Oh, right... yeah, that's still good.

Active Listening: Listen out for what people are saying and then use that to open up relevant conversational threads.

Example: A woman says, "We've just seen a live band." You can then talk about live music, nightlife, favorite bands, venues, etc.

Example: You ask a woman what she's been up to and she replies, "Oh, we're having a girl's night." Talk about how cool it is to get together with friends and have a night out...and that you are having a boy's night!

"Awesome...yeah, me and _____ are having a boy's night...we started at _____ bar and now we thought we'd have a few drinks here...how about you guys -what's been happening?"

Use these tips for approaching women and you will avoid experiencing those awkward moments when you don't know what to say.
About the Author
Dan Bacon is the CEO of TheModernMan.com who provide dating advice for men.

Dating Advice For a Man Approach Women Tips, Tips For Approaching Women
Attracting Women
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