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The Smart Dating Process

Feb 29, 2008
Why do so many smart people date so badly? Because while we all study reading, writing, and arithmetic, there are no classes for dating and relationships. Now a lot of people pay a lot of money and spend a lot of time on the sofa of their psychotherapists when the use of some common sense could save them thousands.

Treat dating with the importance that it deserves. Treat it like a job interview. If you are a man. you are interviewing a potential wife and mother for your children. If you are a woman. you are interviewing a potential husband and father for your children.

During the date you should switch back and forth between interviewer and interviewee. And as with any interview, you should prepare well in advance.

As the interviewer you should have prepared questions that you need the answers to. You should also be on high alert and observe intently. Do not only pay attention to how your date is treating you. Also watch how they are treating the other people around you. Trust your instincts.

As the interviewee, answer the questions put to you honestly. Do not try to answer a question based upon what you think they want to hear. It only brings trouble later on.

Dating needs to be a meeting of the minds, not just the heart. You need to fall in love in your head first, then your heart followed by the rest of your body parts. Too often people progress in a different order and that almost always causes issues later on.

Too many of us are looking for the fairy tale life, and real life is not a fairy tale. Too often we are willing to accept certain things that we then determine we cannot accept over the long haul. Often these are things we notice or pick up on in our initial meeting, but are so overtaken by physical appearance or we hold the notion in our minds that this is something that will change. The truth of the matter is that people do not change.

THE FIRST DATE

The first date is the first and most important interview. There is an old saying that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. It should be an information gathering session. Come prepared with the questions that you want answers to. Also be prepared to honestly answer any questions that are put to you. But also be sure to pay very close attention to the non-verbal communications that are taking place. There are those that estimate that between 70 and 90 per cent of communication is non-verbal. It not simply what is being said but how it is being said. In addition, body language plays an extremely important part in communication. Be on alert watch what they are saying.

First date guidelines:

- Do not spend more then two hours together
- Meet in a place where it is quiet enough to talk
- Talk and listen
- Observe behavior (Non-verbal communications)

After the date:

- Go home and make a list (It is very important to write these down)
- Three things you like about the person (Make sure you come up with three)
- Three things you do not like about the person
- Hang the list up and review it carefully
- Any deal-breakers or show stoppers should be identified.
- If you do not like the idea of smoking and the person smokes
- If none exist, consider a second date
- If there are any, then do not bother with another date

WHAT IS NEXT

If you decide this person is worth continuing with then be very deliberate and take your time. There is no rush and if you are both on the same page it should be easy. And don't be afraid to break it off after multiple dates if the information that you have gathered warrants it. Unfortunately, we live in a world where the Internet and microwaves have made many of us impatient, desiring immediate gratification. Take some time to get to know this person, meet their friends, get to know their values. Too often people rush into a physical relationship and then feel an emotional connection, and that makes it that much harder if the relationship does not work out. Without the emotional connection that will allow you to use your head when you make this decision and not some other body part. I have known people who have wasted years in relationships they knew were not going to work out very early on. If it is wrong, find out quickly and end it early. The more time you waste with the wrong person is time you do not have to meet and spend with the right one.
About the Author
About the Author with the infamous name: Michael Jackson is an engineer, researcher and cultural anthropologist. You can read a more complete version of Michael's works and provide feedback at www.becomealifepartner.com Please sign-up at www.lifepartnerstrategies.com in order to receive updates and notices for future works by this author.
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