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Should You Forgive Your Cheating Spouse?

Mar 8, 2008
So, you've caught your spouse cheating on you. Or, perhaps you were the one having an affair. Either way, once the signs of infidelity have been recognized and the indiscretion is out in the open, you're left with a tough decision to make: "Should I get a divorce or not?"

In the heat of the moment, most people in such situations have a divorce decree written up immediately. When you think about it though, getting a divorce could only stand to make the situation more difficult. Consider the many valid reasons to stay together after an affair.

What it really comes down to are the circumstances and the individuals involved. While at first, it might seem hard to move past the betrayal of an affair, it is actually very possible. There is hope for reconciliation after an affair if both spouses are willing to take an honest look at themselves and their marriages.

There can be any number of things that would keep a couple together after suffering through an event like this. Perhaps the most widely practiced reason is a personal, religious, or moral belief against divorce in general. But don't feel trapped. With the right guidance and work, your marriage can be saved. Many times, marriages that survive affairs are rebuilt better than they were prior to the affair.

Love and respect can play a big part in saving a marriage as well but commitment to total transparency can be in invaluable element. The advantage of total transparency is that the couple is finally able to experience something approaching unconditional love. Both spouses should aim for a point where they know that all their own secrets are out and each mate knows just how imperfect the other really is. Only then can each spouse find the peace of knowing that the other, knowing everything, still loves. Keeping secrets and hiding our problems rather than looking them in the eye will almost insure more trouble later.

Carelessness is another reason that some affairs occur. Intoxication can lead to poor choices, including infidelity, but pale in comparison to the love and dedication involved in a long term marriage. At times like this, and affair is simply a very bad mistake or poor choice. It is possible to get over this, however, if both members of the relationship are willing to put in the time and work. It is important to make sure that the feelings associated with such acts are dealt with so that it will not reoccur in the future.

There are various other reasons to remain as a unit after such an event. These reasons can include a child or children and their well being, as well as financial reasons. There can be any number of reasons to remain together after an affair. Every situation is different and everyone has different reasons. No matter who is involved, however, it is vital to talk about the feelings and hurt that has come from this event. If these things are not addressed, then the people involved run the risk of seeing these feelings again down the road.

If you are contemplating whether you should stay in a marriage after an affair, it is wise to not make any rash decisions. Instead, talk things over with your partner, and also consider what will be best for you long-term. Be rational and make sure that you are not acting out of pain, anger, jealousy, or revenge, because in the end, nobody benefits from that. Whatever your decision, make sure that you give yourself adequate time and permission to heal. The pain from infidelity is a life trauma that cannot be ignored regardless of the outcome of the relationship.
About the Author
Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you cope with infidelity. Don't suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.
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