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Abusive Relationships, Kids who Live with them and Stalking -From Cary and Island Lake, IL

Mar 19, 2008
Do you sometimes worry that your teenage daughter may be a victim of a boyfriends physical, sexual or emotional abuse? If so, you are not alone.

Your teen might be a victim of abuse, or at risk for it, if she is dating someone who:

1. Is very possessive and/or spies on her or stalks her,

2. Will not let her break off or otherwise limit the relationship,

3. Hurts her emotionally or physically, is violent, abusive or brags about hurting or abusing
others,

4. Puts her down, insults her, humiliates her or makes her feel bad about herself,

5. Forces her to have sex, intimidates her or makes her afraid to say no to sex,

6. Abuses any mind-altering substances, including alcohol; or pressures her to use them,

7. Has a history of relationships fraught with conflict and blames it on others.

Whether straight or gay, it is hard for your teenager to leave her abuser if they go to the same school. Hiding from the perpetrator can become too difficult.

Your teenager may find it next to impossible to avoid the abuser in the halls, in class or at lunch. Also, gay and lesbian teens are sometimes scared that they may be intimidated to come out of the closet before they are ready.

If you think your teenager is being abused, get help from a counselor. If you, your daughters other family members or her friends are warning her about the guy she is dating, encourage her to get help.

Encourage her to call a counselor or therapist immediately. She does not have to suffer in silence.

If your children are living in a violent home, chances
are that your kids know about the violence. You may think that they do not know, but most of the time they do, even if just subconsciously.

Children in these homes often feel helpless, scared and depressed. They may also feel guilty because they assume that the turmoil in their home is their fault.

Violence in the home is very upsetting and can be dangerous for your kids. They have to live with frightening sounds, yelling, screaming and hitting. They can become very afraid for their siblings and themselves.

Children try to stop the abuse, but usually fail. Also, sometimes when they try to stop it, they get hurt.

They can get hurt by any weapons that are used or objects that are thrown. VERY IMPORTANT: Remember that, if nothing else, children are seriously harmed just by witnessing abuse and violence.

Also, in homes that are abusive or violent, the children often do not get the care they need. If you are being abused, chances are that you may be in too much pain to take good care of your kids.

Children living in violent or abusive homes are afflicted with many problems. They often have trouble sleeping, academic problems and troubles in school getting along with others.

Sometimes, they feel sad and scared even when there is no need. They may grow up feeling poorly about themselves and their families.

These problems usually do not resolve by themselves. They can be omnipresent even as the child gets older.

Much of this holds true for stalking victims. Stalking is a continuing harassment designed to make a woman feel scared or upset. A stalker can be either someone you know or a perfect stranger.

Stalkers worry people by giving them attention they do not want. This can include acts such as, unwanted phone calls or gifts or following you when you are driving or walking somewhere.

It also includes any threats which may be made to you or your family. Since no one has been physically hurt, people sometimes think stalking is not dangerous. However, it is serious, illegal and sometimes becomes physically violent.

However, in all these situations, there is help for you and your family. Call a counselor or psychologist before it is too late. If stalking or violence is involved, get a Personal Protection Order (PPO) and tell the police.

If the stalking involves a family member who needs to empower herself, call a family therapist or counselor before things get out of hand.
About the Author
Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo and Lake-in-the-Hills. He's an expert psychologist. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appt orlearn more about counseling at: http://www.carypsychology.com
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