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Self Development The Easy Way

Mar 29, 2008
Many people who want to change unwanted or negative behaviors try to use will power in order to make the behavior vanish. It seems that many of us fight in this way and expect these unwanted feelings to just disappear as a result.

However, never was something more true than the saying what we resist just persists. It appears that we are conditioned in many ways to believe we have to fight things in order to overcome them. Eastern thoughts about change however can be quite different and unorthodox to people living in westernized nations because they have traditions that believe the opposite.

Basically they have it that if you become mindful of the unwanted feelings after a while they will simply give up as they have nothing to fight with. Imagine a prize fighter psyching himself up for his next fight and training hard but then he turns up for the match and he has no opponent. There wont be a fight then will there.

This analogy goes a long way to explaining the principle behind mindfulness, that if you simply stay in the present with the feeling and just be with it it will dispel itself after a while and not return. Asking people to stay with unwanted feelings may sound insane to some but I invite readers to try this out albeit on feelings of lower intensity to begin with and as you get used to it bring this to bigger and more intense feelings.

For instance think of a time when you had some nervousness, perhaps at work or before an important meeting or something that is only mildly disturbing. Feel the feeling fully, don't be scared of it, just be with it and stay present. Let it begin to run its course, it may seem unpleasant at first because you are not used to doing this, it goes against everything we have been taught, to just be with a feeling. But stay longer with it and be patient. Be aware of its location , if it has one, in your body, is it in your stomach or your chest, stay with it a few more moments and then ask yourself this question but ask with meaning Could I welcome this feeling. Yes instead of attempting to repel it do the opposite and welcome the feeling.

You may have to ask two or three times as you continue to be with the unwanted response. For most of us the feelings simply disappears, it can feel like energy leaving your body and with a little practice you can bring this simple mindfulness method to any unwanted responses or feelings that might plague you throughout the day. It works because it is paradoxical. Because you give up trying the feeling has nothing to fight against, just like our champion boxer, so it does not have anything to cling to anymore.

You can do the above technique in real time during your day and nobody will even know that you are doing it. Hows that for a wonderful and simple self-development method that is discreet but powerful. Its a great tool in your stress management box too. I carry mine with me wherever I go. I hope you start to as well.
About the Author
Lee James Heather is the webmaster of
http://www.growthjunction.com . This is a FREE resource for personal development from confidence building to remote viewing, career development and more
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