Home » Home and Family

The Top 9 Marital Blunders

Aug 17, 2007
When thinking about my patients, I've noticed a pattern to the marital conflicts that they share.

Here's my list of the top ten things that put your marriage at higher risk for break-up and the things you must do to strengthen it:

1) Putting-Down Spouse's Friends/Family
Don't badmouth your spouse or her/his friends, family or associates. Spouses need to know you appreciate their world outside of you. Rather, compliment her friends and family.

2) Not Using Good Listening Skills
This includes indulging pre-occupation, avoiding eye contact, looking somewhere else as the conversation unfolds etc.

Rather, use good eye contact, wait 'til your spouse finishes talking and concentrate so much on what s/he is saying that you paraphrase it to demonstrate you REALLY listened.

3) Lack of Love-Making
This is a very ominous sign in marriage. If your partner has complaints that prevent him/her from wanting to engage you sexually, get help. Seek medical and/or psychological counseling, if necessary.

Men, don't get hung-up on wanting INTERCOURSE all the time. Be able to frequently engage your partner slowly and tenderly in a merely SENSUAL fashion. Don't worry, you won't explode because of pent-up semen.

4) Always Having the Last Word or Need to be Right
This includes lecturing, criticizing and over-correcting your partner. Narcissists are HARD to love!

Occasionally, admit that you made a mistake, don't know or compliment your partner as having made a "good point" (and leave it at that). Please be concise. Don't answer every question with a lecture on the topic.

5) Not Following-Thru
Actions do speak louder than words. Be reliable and trustworthy. When you commit yourself to doing something, do it. This builds the trust necessary to maintain a close relationship. Trust involves everyday things, not just fidelity.

6) Inconsiderate Teasing
Believe your spouse if s/he says that your teasing was hurtful or a put down. Don't give a lecture about why that wasn't correct. Just stop it. Ask yourself what s/he would find complimentary and say that instead. If you just LISTEN to your spouse you can learn alot.

7) Deceit, Lies and Falsehoods
Having lies and secrets creates distance and serious suspicions in your mate. This leads to lack of trust and robs your relationship of the fuel it needs to keep going. Swallow, bite the bullet, be considerate and be honest .

8) Being Juvenile
When you know you are annoying and you continue to annoy, it's immature and VERY wearing on a spouse. Find better ways to get attention and use healthy communication techniques to communicate your gripes.

9) Explosive Anger
You must handle conflict constructively EVEN if your spouse doesn't. Having angry outbursts always makes you the loser, even if you ARE right. That's called being "self-defeating."

Copyright, Shery, 2006
About the Author
Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo and Lake-in-the-Hills. He's a marriage counselor and psychologist. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appt or learn more about counseling at: http://www.nextdayappointment.com
Rating:
Please Rate:
(Average: Not rated)
Views: 192
Print Email Report Share
Article Categories
    • Artists
    • Gambling
    • Humanities
    • Humor
    • Movies
    • Music
    • Photography
    • Tattoos
    • Television
    • Classic Cars
    • Motorcycles
    • Recreational Vehicles
    • SUVs
    • Trucks
    • Vans
    • Branding
    • Business Opportunities
    • Careers and Jobs
    • Corporate
    • Customer Service
    • Direct Mail
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Ethics
    • Financing
    • Franchising
    • Home-Based Business
    • Human Resources
    • Import and Export
    • Leadership
    • Management
    • Market Research
    • Marketing and Advertising
    • Negotiation
    • Network Marketing
    • Networking
    • Organizational
    • Presentation
    • Project Management
    • Public Relations
    • Small Business
    • Strategic Planning
    • Team Building
    • Telemarketing
    • Training
    • Data Recovery
    • Databases
    • Games
    • Hardware
    • Networks
    • Operating Systems
    • Programming
    • Security
    • Software
    • Spyware and Viruses
    • Ask an Expert
    • College and University
    • Home Schooling
    • K-12
    • Languages
    • Online Education
    • Psychology
    • Accounting
    • Credit
    • Currency Trading
    • Debt Consolidation
    • Insurance
    • Investing
    • Leasing
    • Loans
    • Mortgage
    • Mutual Funds
    • Personal Finance
    • Stock Market
    • Structured Settlements
    • Taxes
    • Wealth Building
    • Coffee
    • Cooking
    • Gourmet
    • Recipes
    • Wine and Spirits
    • Acne
    • Aerobics
    • Alternative Medicine
    • Beauty
    • Cancer
    • Cosmetics
    • Depression
    • Diabetes
    • Diseases and Conditions
    • Fitness Equipment
    • Fitness
    • Hair Loss
    • Heart Disease
    • Medicine
    • Men's Health
    • Muscle Building
    • Nutrition
    • Skin Care
    • Supplements and Vitamins
    • Weight Loss
    • Women's Health
    • Yoga
    • Feng Shui
    • Gardening
    • Home Appliances
    • Home Security
    • Interior Design
    • Landscaping
    • Affiliate Programs
    • Article Marketing
    • Auctions
    • Audio
    • Banner Advertising
    • Blogging
    • Broadband
    • Domain Names
    • E-Books
    • E-Commerce
    • Email Marketing
    • Ezines and Newsletters
    • Forums
    • Internet Marketing
    • Link Popularity
    • Pay-Per-Click
    • Podcasting
    • RSS
    • Search Engine Marketing
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Security
    • Social Media
    • Spam
    • Video
    • Viral Marketing
    • Web Design
    • Web Development
    • Web Hosting
    • Copyright
    • Cyber Law
    • Intellectual Property
    • National, State, Local
    • Patents
    • Regulatory Compliance
    • Trademarks
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Baseball
    • Basketball
    • Boating
    • Cycling
    • Extreme Sports
    • Fishing
    • Football
    • Golf
    • Hockey
    • Hunting
    • Martial Arts
    • Running
    • Scuba Diving
    • Soccer
    • Swimming
    • Tennis
    • Dating
    • Divorce
    • Marriage
    • Weddings
    • Astrology
    • Buddhism
    • Christianity
    • Faith
    • Hinduism
    • Islam
    • Judaism
    • Meditation
    • Metaphysical
    • New Age
    • Cable and Satellite TV
    • Cell Phones
    • Communication
    • Gadgets and Gizmos
    • GPS
    • Satellite Radio
    • Video Conferencing
    • VoIP
    • Addictions
    • Coaching
    • Goal Setting
    • Motivational
    • Stress Management
    • Time Management
    • Clothing
    • Electronics
    • Fashion
    • Gifts
    • Jewelry
    • Causes and Organizations
    • Environment
    • History
    • Holidays
    • Men's Issues
    • Nature
    • Philosophy
    • Politics
    • Women's Issues
    • World Affairs
    • Air Travel
    • Camping
    • Cruises
    • Destinations
    • Outdoors
    • Article Writing
    • Book Reviews
    • Copywriting
    • Fiction
    • Non-Fiction
    • Poetry
    • Quotes
    • Screenplay
    • Tools and Resources