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Where Does Libido Go To

Apr 3, 2008
The workings of the human body are ruthless and cruel. It sets you up to feel and desire certain things to get you in a certain mood, to pursue certain things and once it's achieved its goal, it sits back and lets you get on with it, devoid of all the feeling it once endowed you with.

Don't believe me? Take a look at the sex drive of women. According to the American Medical Association millions of women suffer loss of libido every year. This is not the case for men.

This is no medical phenomenon and I myself have two very plausible theories.

The first is that it is beyond our control. Our bodies push us with uncontrollable urges so that we procreate. Once pregnant, nature removes the need to mate, along with our desire, so that we can concentrate fully on growing this new life inside of us. Thus, our libido is no longer needed.

That's a very basic view of the whole 'getting pregnant' business. In reality, when the ticking of our biological clock gets so loud it can no longer be ignored our body takes over. Our libido goes into over drive and we have this innate urge to rump any passing male, however suitable he may be. Short, tall, bearded, bald, old, young, rich, poor, face furniture or not - they all pass for the fantastically gorgeous man of our dreams.

Of course, this man is flattered (particularly if he's the short, bald variety). This poor creature does not realise that us women are slaves to our hormones and libido. We will use all our womanly wiles to entice him into our bedrooms and do what nature intended. Once pregnant, unfortunately for him and not of our control, emerges the 'other woman'.

This is the grumpy, fat one that pukes every morning and will forever hate the man for having put her in this position. At least for the first trimester. For the second we will be glowing and beautiful no matter how fat we are. We will take all the credit for bringing this new life into the world and milk the man for all the sympathy and waiting on we can get.

Of course, at this stage, we have no libido. Why on earth would we want sex when we resemble a beached whale? But don't worry guys, this doesn't last. In the last trimester of pregnancy, the libido returns with gusto. At least, that's our excuse. Or it could be the fact that our midwives tell us there is a hormone in sperm that brings on labour. So, we will suffer your advances and do the deed - anything to get this baby out!

Once in the swing of labour all men will tell you of the verbal abuse flung their way from their partner. 'Don't you EVER touch me again', is quite common, as is the fact that your wife has turned into something from the exorcist, growling and foaming at the mouth. Funny, but the moment that baby is placed in the arms of a woman all is forgiven and libido suddenly returns. This is when she starts pleading with you to do it again.

Ok, it looks as though half her internal organs are lying on the bed before you and her head has been dragged through a hedge backwards but make no mistake, you feel so proud of this achievement that you will be wanting the same. This is nature's way of ensuring the continuation of the human race.

Of course, this theory is all well and good for the women that want babies. But it is a well known fact that not all women want children. So my other theory on loss of libido is slightly more controversial. I think it is possible that women CHOOSE this way.

Yes, we all have sex drives that come and go depending on circumstance and mood among other things. That holds for both sexes but take a closer look at what women get. Once married, the man no longer bothers with his appearance. His idea of effort is to lift his legs while we vacuum beneath them. His idea of exercise is to reach down and scratch his own bits.

Get this man in the bedroom and his idea of persuasion and foreplay consists of phrases along the lines of 'Oh go on, I'll be quick'. Oh don't worry, we already know that love, and it really doesn't help.

Strip this man naked and you will find the toned, masculine man you fell in love with has dissolved into a white, blubbery unshaved blob with some most unattractive dangly bits. It is any wonder our libido evaporates and we roll over and go to sleep?
About the Author
Relationship expert Catherine Harvey looks at the reasons behind womens loss of libido and whether this is choice or not.
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