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How To Keep Him From Leaving After The Good Times

Apr 4, 2008
Even if they're not getting married, women in relationships always go through a "honeymoon phase" in their relationships. This is the time when they and their men spend so much time talking and doing things together - almost as though they thrive on each other's presence. But almost as suddenly as this honeymoon phase begins, it ends. And it doesn't matter what these baffled women think or do - the men simply drift away.

In an attempt to cope with the loss, women may make hasty conclusions as to why their men leaves them so quickly after the honeymoon phase. Coping is natural, but making half-baked conclusions to feel better isn't. In fact, such conclusions may ensure the doom of their next relationship even before it's begun.

What these women don't realize is that the thrill of the "honeymoon" can't last forever. Relationships change with time, as does everything else in the world. A more emotional phase naturally sets in after the honeymoon, when couples start talking about things such as settling down together and raising a family.

Some women don't want this change to happen, or at least get so addicted to the thrill of the honeymoon that they tend to do things in an attempt to make the thrill last longer. When men begin to stop responding to their antics (which used to work so well during the honeymoon), they try harder by doing the following:

1) Trying to make him feel certain emotions that you think he should, such as being sympathetic whenever she's in the mood. Naturally, since you can't convince people to feel emotions they don't have, this doesn't work. It only comes off as nagging and serves to push him away.

2) Waiting for him to get back into the honeymoon phase, which he usually won't.

3) Settling into a "give and take" relationship with him - for instance, women don't speak unless spoken to. These women think that a "give and take" relationship will knock some sense into the guy and force him to fix things. Naturally, if he suddenly finds it harder to communicate with you, he'll look elsewhere.

Needless to say, these actions are futile - men simply can't take hints, no matter how obvious it may be to women. Worse, less mature men don't even know what happens next after the honeymoon.

So how can you keep this nightmare from happening to you (again)?

You can do two things, the first of which is to talk in his language. As time goes by, you'll develop an idea of how your man acts, thinks and feels. Naturally, if you try to communicate with him using his own preferred style, you'll make a much better connection. I'm sure you've seen psychologists and better living gurus making such an impact by talking in their audience's emotional context - the same thing can be used to keep the bond between you and your man strong.

(If you'll notice, this first tip is the exact opposite of mistake #1 above - trying to convince him that he's wrong and you're right.)

The next thing to do is to think of your emotional efforts as an investment, and not as something you spend. When you "spend" or buy stuff, you expect to get your money's value back at once. Relationships don't work that way - if you expect him to return your feelings the minute you give them out, you'll only end up frustrated. Instead, think of it as an outlay that you'll reclaim little by little in return over a long time. The more you "invest" in your relationship, the bigger the returns to come.

In other words, you'll have to be the change you want to see in your relationship. Don't worry - it's worth it, since the positive effects of your efforts will last a lifetime.
About the Author
Aaron Adams specializes in relationship matters for women. Visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com to find out how to attract and keep the man you like.
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