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When A Partner Is Unfaithful Is Divorce The Only Way Out?

Apr 17, 2008
There doesn't seem to be a day that goes by that you don't hear about someone getting a divorce. It just seems to be a fact of life that we've all learned to accept. We all have someone in our lives that divorce has touched.

Divorce claims a high toll and not only on the people directly involved. Immediate family, extended family and friends are all touched. It's touched me personally. One day my sister phoned me. She had caught her husband in the act of bringing another woman into their home. She and her husband had been married 17 years, she had known him since childhood. Suddenly she was convinced that divorce was the only answer.

My sister basically fell apart in the following months. Between numerous lawyer visits and court appearances, my sister lost weight, cried constantly, lost her self esteem and became increasingly reliant on others for her basic needs.

She had no savings so had to rely on so she turned to our parents for assistance, help they could ill afford to give. They helped her with legal expenses and also with money for her basic living necessities. She asked me to help with the details of the divorce settlement, something I felt was a no-win situation for me, I could see that no matter what the outcome I would be blamed for any shortcomings.

It indeed can seem darkest before the dawn. I was certain that events were heading for the final divorce settlement when I suddenly became aware that my sister had started talking to her husband again. In fact, she was talking to him on a daily basis. Her attitude began to improve and she started taking care of herself again. I really didn't want to see her return to the man who had been unfaithful to her but I wisely stepped back and let her take charge of her life once again. I realized that returning to her husband could well be the way for her to regain her happiness.

My sister was still concerned that the healing process was not going to be an easy path. Her husband agreed to attend marriage counseling and they were told that recovering their life from the aftermath of the affair was possible but would require hard work on their part and definitely a strong dose of dedication. My sister and her husband made the decision to do what was needed to get their marriage on track again.

In a way, forgiveness was the key to the resurrection of their marriage. I certainly underestimated the amount of forgiveness my sister had in her heart but there was apparently enough. All of this happened five years ago and they have been happily married since getting back together. They worked hard to regain the trust that was lost and they continue to work at keeping their marriage a happy one. They make it a point to set aside time to be together, plan annual vacations and always have a little talk before going to sleep at night.

The cost of divorce is high, emotionally and financially. It is hard on the children. Besides broken hearts, children often suffer from a loss of self-esteem when their parents separate. You really want to pay attention to how your marriage is going and do this throughout your marriage. Do things together on a regular basis, whether dining out at a nice restaurant or walking a few blocks every evening and maybe enjoying a hot dog. Don't forget, when you took the marriage vows they were sacred and intended to last for a life time. Keeping that in mind may help in keeping your marriage on track. Divorce is not the only answer, in fact it is probably the worst answer in most cases.
About the Author
Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you cope with infidelity. Don't suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.
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