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Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Apr 25, 2008
Have you ever had this happen?

A few years ago before I had learned anything about human attraction, I had a girlfriend who I adored. At the time, I harbored the idea that being nice and doing nice things amplified attraction, connection and intimacy in a relationship. I was taught to be cordial and to treat women like queens and that would be enough. And so my relationship went fine for a few months. She would do nice things for me and I would predictably reciprocate every nice thing she did by doing something just a little bit nicer. When you harbor the idea "she should be treated like a queen" it's hard not to over do the acts of kindness. One day after I had bought her flowers and a new necklace, I got the "I think we should see other people" spew. I was dumb founded and heart broken wondering "what did I do wrong?" After studying this attraction game and learning about basic human psychology I realized it wasnt what I did. It was what I did too much of.

What is happening here and why is being "too nice" a bad thing?

Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with doing something special for someone you care about. But more and more guys are being raised only by their mothers who instill a "treat your women like a queen" attitude in their sons. I was one of these guys. And what our mothers have done has taught us how to gain affection rather than attraction. In other words, they are teaching us to be good husbands and providers rather than attractive males.

SO once you have a women attracted to you and you want to keep it that way, there are a few things you must understand.

Reciprocating acts of love/ nice things need not be immediate. In fact they are better off being spontaneous and unpredictable rather than decadent and frequent. There is nothing wrong with letting someone know you care about them. But too many nice things can kill attraction.

And doing too many nice things is predictable. The key word here is predictable. When something you do becomes common and predictable, it's value naturally decreases. Just like if you were to win $1000 a week for the rest of your life. The first few weeks might be very exciting but after a while, the novelty would wear and it would simply become the norm. Why do you think so many Parisians pay such little attention to their beloved Louvre Museum and their massive Eiffel tower. They are always going to be there. They aren't going anywhere. So they don't need to pay any attention to them. And this concept can be generalized.

We tend to put things in the back of our minds when they become predictable.

Another good example...

Have you ever noticed a terrible odor that is almost unbearable to smell. Yet after a few minutes the smell seemed to have disappeared. This is the same principle. The odor didnt disappear. Your mind simply put it in the peripheral, so you could focus your attention on more important things.

Also, when you are overly nice, doing a lot of nice things frequently, an added pressure arises in the women. She is going to think "god, this guy really really is into me. Am I as into him as he is into me?" And that discrepancy in the way she feels is going to create guilt. And because we rarely like to make ourselves out to the bad guy, we tend to put the blame elsewhere aka it was the guys fault. And this will transpire in to contempt and those little things that she found so attractive in the beginning are now driving her crazy. Until she gets to the point where she can't keep hiding her feelings, she will break things off with you.

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with doing nice things for a women. But doing nice things in a predictable and frequent fashion will have a detrimental effect and ultimately kill attraction.

So don't overdo the acts of kindness

Understand the niceness only has the ability to create affection rather than attraction.

You cannot "buy" a women's heart

Being "nice" does not mean you need to conform to her opinions, ideals, morals, or perspectives

Being "nice" does not mean you need to stray from being you
About the Author
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