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How to Decide Whether to Listen to Your Head or Your Heart

Apr 26, 2008
Being in love can be so confusing! Instead of the typical angel and devil, it's like you have your heart on one shoulder and your mind on the other. They are constantly arguing about the love in your life.

Your heart says, he's better than I ever could have imagined, and I just can't get enough of him. I'm miserable when he's not there, and it feels like it's meant to be! I've never been as happy as I have been with him. Then your mind speaks up. Yeah, right, that's what Rebecca says about her loser fianc. Remember, love is blind? Try to think logically about this!

Love almost always feels this way, especially at first. Your heart is racing, and excited. You realize that you are crying with the sappy songs on the radio. You keep wondering how you got so lucky to be with this incredible guy. At the same time, your mind is screaming stop! Think this through! You look at your best friend and her miserable marriage. They describe their meeting very similarly to your present circumstance. Are you blindly heading in the same direction?

Who should win the fight? Should you listen to your irrational but elated heart, or your sensible but unforgiving mind? Listen to both. God gave you each for a reason. Your mind will notice the potential pitfalls that your heart will try to ignore. Yet, you heart will allow you to love and will not let you give up when things aren't perfect.

However, there are times when it is important to ignore either your mind or your heart. All of us know someone who allowed a perfectly good marriage fall apart because they didn't listen to their heart enough. Somehow the little things like house chores, hobbies, or differences in style were made all too paramount by the mind, and the big things that made the relationship so beautiful got lost and forgotten. It is also very common to see someone only allowing their heart to guide them in their relationship. These are the people that end up with players, liars, and other risky types, but continue to stay in the relationship because their heart keeps telling them that they love them and will someday change.

How do you know if you are listening enough to both your mind and your heart? Often it takes being able to step outside of yourself and see things as everyone around you is seeing it. Getting an outside opinion every once in a while can also do worlds of good, as long as they are someone who knows and understands what a good relationship looks like in the first place. Another person can calm your heart to a more rational state, and assist you in easing the mind's discomfort.

Find ways to look at him from someone else's perspective. This will help you notice things you wouldn't normally and help you figure out who he is really beyond the infatuation of your heart and the perfection that your mind demands. Then, you will find the answer we all deep down want to know without a shadow of a doubt: is he the right one for me?
About the Author
Wendy Bridger's "Is He Right For Me?" compatibility test can help you understand when you are letting your heart keep you in a bad situation or allowing your head to let your soul mate slip through your fingers.
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