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Staying Married In The 21st Century

May 6, 2008
For hundreds of centuries leading up to and though the 19th century, the majority of married couples stayed together. Of course, not every marriage was a happy one, but most stayed together out of necessity and a belief that this was what they were supposed to do.

Throughout the 20th century and into the 21st century, more and more married couples have decided to end their marriage at a rate of approximately 50%. There are many reasons that lead to divorce and separation, and it seems that the changes in society, especially in the American culture have made it easier than ever to end a marriage.

Does anyone ever get engaged and then married believing that they will end their relationship in divorce? If that were the case fewer and fewer people would ever get married yet marriage is still strong in most cultures. There will always be problems and challenges in relationships and we will always find it possible to try and head these off. But at the same time, divorce has been with us for hundreds of years and is not going away. However, let's look at some ways a couple can stay in their marriage.

As a couple gets married, their vows often include a statement such as, "till death do us part" and "in sickness and in health," words suggesting that they are going to make this work. However, when the going gets tough it gets easier and easier to want to split or to actually split up. So, first and foremost, beginning a marriage with a commitment to stay together is one good foundation to stand on. This means we will not bail at the first sign of trouble.

Now at the beginning of your marriage, if you did not make a commitment and you are fighting or struggling in your marriage, it's still not too late to make a commitment or to recommit your marriage. You will need to say to each other things like "I'm sorry, I still care about you, I love you, I want to make this work". If you make this type of commitment to each other, there will be hope.

Now, how does a couple proceed to heal and to carry out this new commitment. Some couples are able to do this on their own but most require some type of assistance, either through their church or synagogue or maybe friends or family, and possibly some professional counseling. The main thing is to make a plan and do something different.

Your new plan will take some time to get used to, to become a good habit. That's where you may need some help from a friend or family, from the outside. Or, it may be as simple as making Friday night or Saturday night a "date night." Be sure to say and do nice things for each other each day. Again, let this become a habit. It needs to be done regularly for a many weeks, doing something nice for your spouse, letting them know that you care.

This isn't always easy. This isn't a cure-all. This doesn't always work, but if you love each other and you want to make your marriage happier, do something for the other person. Make that other person happy with what you do, don't try and take from the relationship. Give to each other. If each person gives to the relationship, there's a chance for that relationship to heal and grow.
About the Author
Instead of giving up on the marriage, be sure you check the resources from the Marriage Saver at ways to save a marriage and do this right away with the ways to save a marriage now.
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