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Pain, Suffering And Hope - The Lone Individual's Dark Night Of The Soul

May 24, 2008
Can a new beginning come from the ashes of despair? Or does despair result in total defeat? Here is one individual's tale of "the dark night of the soul" and the morning after.

The Dark Night of the Soul

Oh God why must I suffer? I can't sleep because my mind repeats the same painful thoughts second after second, minute after minute. I feel like I'm a broken person--and I am afraid I'm unfixable.

No amount of alcohol consumed can drown my pain and sorrow. Not all the erasers in the world can erase my mistakes. They should have taken my chalk away long ago.

For all these years I failed to live up to my values and ambitions. With good intentions I walked briskly up the path of success. At least I thought I did. Painfully I discovered I've been drifting down the road of heartbreak and failure.

Unwise and bad decisions resulted in an empty wallet and a broken spirit. My passion has drowned in a deluge of tears--my flame barely flickers. I open my eyes, look around, and shockingly discover my existence is of the living dead. I am overwhelmed with the decay and stagnation that surrounds me. I created it all--or maybe it's this way because I never created anything of value.

I close my eyes and hope in vain it's only a dream, an illusion created by my subconscious mind. No such luck. My eyes of sorrow open to the cruel world I have unwittingly manifested.

Not all the books I read, my meditations, all the loves of my life, saved me from the hellish environment I created. In my misery, I cry out "Oh God what happened to my dreams and desires?" At 25 years old I was enjoying the moment. Each day brought something new. At 35, I had discovered many exciting things about myself and the world I so enthusiastically embraced. Suddenly 10 years went by and I was 45. Along with some painful changes I experienced many wonderful moments. I was growing spiritually. I believed I was mastering life.

At 50 I loudly proclaimed to the world "My moment has arrived." It arrived all right. I am emotionally, spiritually and financially bankrupt. I appear to have health, spirituality and mental prowess, but it must be an illusion. All I have been manifesting is poverty, heartbreak and despair.

Oh sweet, passionate love where have you gone? I felt your flame--your warmth engulfed me. Slowly you burned out and the lingering smoke drifted in my eyes leaving them swollen with tears.

Prosperity why have you forsaken me? You dazzled me with the glow of gold and silver. Then dark shadows banished the light, proving I only possessed fool's gold. The rains ended my parade and tarnished my silver--as if I actually did possess any silver.

Security you are nothing but an illusion. Change dissolves you as a soft breeze blows away a wisp of smoke. Insecurity is my moment with no sign the next will be any different.

Change why can't I anticipate you? If only I could embrace you and delight in the wonders you reveal to the wise and enlightened.

All I have left are my tears and they are in abundance--drenching the pillow I weep on. Maybe I should just give up and fall asleep for eternity.

The Morning After -The Hope of a New Day

Oh God it's morning. I guess it was too much to ask for an endless sleep. I must force myself to rise. At least there's coffee. Hey, there is something in life that has value.

As I savor the first sip of my morning coffee I glance out the front door. Maybe the sun will dispel the dark cloud that hangs over me--just as it has broken through the clouds to end a rainy morning.

The showers have left puddles in the street and on the sidewalks. My attention is suddenly diverted to a puddle on the sidewalk leading to my front porch. A bird has landed in it, joyously flapping its wings and splashing the water. It dawns on me that even a bird can express the pure joy of its existence.

I think of the lily of the valley. Does the lily of the valley know? To me all it does is soak up the sun or catch the falling raindrops, while a human worries about everything under the sun and dreads the darkening clouds that threaten his day.

Maybe if I could just experience the wonder and joy of my existence, forgetting the many days that brought me the pains, disappointments and sorrows that only humans can experience. I could soar into the future--understanding that my past creations were only illusions of limited consciousness. With my new expanded awareness I would create a world of love, serenity, joy and abundance. I would live my highest values--achieving happiness and peace of mind.
About the Author
Robert A. Meyer has been investigating and studying economics, philosophy, psychology and metaphysics for 30 years. He realizes there are basic principles of Human Action that will help you become successful. His knowledge that life is to be lived on a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level allowed him to discover "The Libertarian Way." He experiences its many pleasures and ecstasies on a daily basis. http://libertarianway.com/
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