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The Real Purpose of A Relationship

May 25, 2008
I want to share information that I believe will inspire you to want better for yourselves in relationships, and be better for yourselves from your relationships to your communities and to the world. At the very least it will cause you to think, which might be better than someone lambasting you constantly without offering any solutions.

Many people make the mistake of seeking love of Self through love of another. Of course, people don't realize they are doing this. It is not a conscious effort; their behavior reflects what is going on deep in their subconcious.

People believe that: "If I can just love others, they will love me. THEN I WILL BE LOVABLE, AND I CAN LOVE ME." Many people will hate themselves because they feel there is not another who loves them. THIS IS TRULY A SICKNESS. The truth is that others do love them, BUT IT WON'T MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE PROFESS THEIR LOVE FOR THEM IT IS NOT ENOUGH.

Why? For two reasons.

First, they don't believe you. They think you are trying to manipulate them... trying to get something (How could you love them for who they truly are? No. There must be some mistake YOU WANT SOMETHING! Now what do you want?)

They sit around trying to figure out how anyone could actually love them. So they don't believe you, and embark on a campaign to make you PROVE IT. To do this they may ask you to start altering your behavior.

Second, if they finally come to a place where can believe you, they begin at once to worry about how long they can keep your love. So in order to hold on to your love they begin to alter their behavior.

Thus, two people literally lose themselves in a relationship. They get into it hoping to find themselves, and they end up losing themselves instead.

Two people join together in a partnership hoping that the whole will be greater than the sum of the parts, only to find that it's less. They feel less than when they were single. Less capable, less able, and less exciting. Less attractive, less joyful, and less content.

They then become less. Now they have both given up most of who they are in order to BE AND TO STAY-in their relationship. Relationships were never meant to be this way. When you lose sight that each person as a sacred soul is on his or her sacred journey then you cannot see the purpose of a relationship.

Though it may be romantic to say that you were 'nothing' until that special someone came along, that statement is not true. In reality, that belief puts an incredible pressure on the other person to be all sorts of things he or she is not.

Not wanting to 'let you down' your partner will try very hard to be and do these things until they can't anymore. They can no longer complete your fantasy of them. They can no longer fill the roles to which they have been assigned. Resentment builds and anger follows.

Finally to reclaim themselves and the relationship these special others begin to claim their real selves, acting in more accordance with who they really are. It is about this time you claim sadly that your partner has 'suddenly changed!'

Relationships are sacred because they provide life's grandest opportunity -- to create and produce the experience of your highest conceptualization of yourself. Relationships fail when you see them as an opportunity to create and produce your highest conceptualization by using someone else to do it.

Let each person in a relationship worry about what self is being, what self is having, what self is seeking, asking, giving, creating and experiencing. This seems a strange teaching from what you have been taught. Yet I tell you this: Your focus upon another, or rather your obsession with another is what causes relationships to fail.

Therefore your first relationship must be with you. Learn to honor and cherish and most importantly love yourself.
About the Author
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm PST.
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