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Your Habits May Be Causing Your Breakups

Jun 2, 2008
Do you go through the same kind of relationship over and over again? Do you notice that, somehow, your relationships always seem to go through a fixed sequence of events, even if your current boyfriend is a starkly different character than your last one?

Here's an example - you meet a new guy and you start dating. Everything's fantastic during the first few dates, but just when you feel like the relationship is reaching new heights, he suddenly loses interests. He strangely withdraws and stops returning your calls, and generally stops keeping in touch with you. Any of your attempts to keep communication lines open only seems to widen the gap, until he ultimately leaves you completely.

Relationships like these are just an example of what so many great women go through over and over again. These scenarios happen so often in the dating game that many of these women arrive at the frustrated conclusion that, no matter how you slice it, men are all the same.

All things considered, we can't really blame them for such an idea. But such conclusions is like much of Western Medicine these days - they've gotten so good in treating symptoms that they've totally forgotten the underlying disease.

So what's the underlying disease in your relationships? Simple - it's you. Or rather, it's the patterns that you exhibit when you get into a relationship - and these patterns are something you repeat every single time you start dating someone new.

Before you protest, try to think about it. What are the patterns that you've noticed you bring into your relationships? We're not talking about patterns like, "Somehow, I always get the men who are clueless when it comes to love." That's about him, when we're focusing on you.

We're talking about negative patterns like, "When I meet and like someone new, I can't help but try to push the relationship to the next level as soon as possible. I'm not sure if that causes the relationship to end sooner, but it does seem that he withdraws as soon as we reach a certain level in our relationship."

Any of that sound familiar? Go ahead and take a few minutes to look into yourself. See how many of these negative patterns you can find in your own dating life.

Did you find more than a few negative patterns in your own life? If you did, then congratulations - you've taken the first important step in breaking free from these patterns. It doesn't matter what the patterns you found were - the fact that you identified them is what's important.

Now that you've identified them, you don't need to get rid of them outright. See, these patterns may be the cause of all your misery, but at the same time they may also be the cause of most of the good things that you experience in your relationships. Ever notice how you couldn't live with your boyfriend one day, then suddenly love everything he does a few days later? The patterns you identified may be the cause of that, too.

Once you find out how your patterns influence your relationship, you can better tweak them to your advantage - and say goodbye to those bizarre breakups forever.
About the Author
Aaron Adams specializes in relationship matters for women. Visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com to find out why you are attracting the wrong men.
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