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How To Fix A Rocky Relationship

Jun 2, 2008
If you're reading this article, then you've probably been in a relationship that didn't work out. It probably ended in a breakup that happened despite your sincerest efforts, and no amount of thinking could tell you why it went wrong, especially when you did everything right.

Well, it doesn't really matter what you did wrong or right - fixing a rocky relationship is possible, and very doable in four steps. Here they are:

#1: Get Out Of The Downward Spiral. In your last rocky relationship, you've probably noticed how you could never seem to fix things. Everything you did seemed to make things worse, no matter how good your intentions were. You were in a downward spiral that was heading straight for a breakup.

You need to get out of this downward spiral in order to really fix things. I'm sure you've experienced seeing one of your girl friends insisting on staying with her boyfriend, even when the guy seemed to be the world's biggest jerk. The thing is, she can't see him as a jerk when she's in the relationship. Similarly, you'll need to look at your own rocky relationship from an outside perspective - from a third person's point of view - to finally see what's up. When you do, then you can find a better solution to your problems.

#2: Put Your Feet On The Ground. When you don't feel good about yourself, you're not at your best when dealing with other people. Similarly, if you don't feel good about your relationship, then you're probably going to do badly when you try to fix things with him.

It's important to "ground" yourself before dealing with these problems. Just like how a warm bath, a workout, or deep breathing can clear your mind and solve problems better, they can also help ground yourself into a more positive and loving state of mind - and this is the state of mind you'd want to be in when dealing with someone you love.

#3: Plan Your Approach. As kids, we're used to letting our emotions control us. After a tumultuous midway period in adolescence, we then learn to do the reverse and instead control our emotions. It's an important skill to have, and some would argue that this single skill is responsible for civilization as we know it!

I guess that's the reason why we argue like cavemen in relationships!

This skill sort of takes a back seat when we're in a relationship, leaving us susceptible to making bad choices and unreasonable reactions. In other words, it's very important to keep your cool when dealing with a rocky relationship - if you let your emotions control you, then you're more likely to lash out at him - and he'll be less likely to stick around.

#4: Lastly, Live In The Present. Not many people are used to living in the present. Some long for the good times past, while others endlessly worry about the future. Such states of mind bring unnecessary stress into a relationship, and may even cause breakups. If you'll learn to love what you have and not worry too much about the past or future, you'll learn that it's much easier to fix a rocky relationship than you thought.
About the Author
Aaron Adams specializes in relationship matters for women. Visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com to find out how to improve your relationship with one question.
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