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My Gay Children - A Parents Perspective

Aug 17, 2007
Finding out you have gay children is for most of us unsuspecting parents a life changing experience.
How much it changes our life depends on many factors. I know personally how it does change your life as I do have gay children.

I am a mother that has been married for 26 years to the same man and have 2 wonderful sons from that marriage.
I still remember from a very early age that I would marry a man and have a family of my own. My children would grow up in a happy home and they would one day find the love of their dreams and settle down, get married and have children and then the whole cycle would continue on the same from there.

How your life, your views, your ideals and your dreams of the future can change in an instant. I have learnt that nothing is set in concrete when it comes to life. When I gave birth to my children I had somehow forgot that I was giving birth to two individual little human beings not clones of my husband or myself.

This can be a hard concept to handle for some of us especially when your child or children in my case come out of the closet so to speak and tell you that one is gay & the other bisexual.

Wow! In fact this can be disastrous.
This closet that they have just climbed out of, well,we've just climbed in!

All of a sudden, your life is nothing like it was or what you expected it to continue to be. For some of us it is a real shock or maybe it is a relief. See, we are all different from each other even though we are the same.

We will all react differently, some very badly and some ok, and some only just ok. For most of us this is mind blowing news. What will we tell our friends and family? Will they shun us, hate us, laugh at us or will they support us?

We don't really want to find out because we are scared of what they may say or do.That's why we go into that closet.

We may be angry because our child has brought us into something we don't understand and don't know how to handle. Confrontation can be a very difficult thing to handle especially when it is about something that is not accepted with in the majority.

Our religious beliefs may start to confuse us as we may need to choose between our religion and our child.
Many may feel repulsed and disgusted because all they can think about is the actual sexual acts that they think their child will be participating in.

There are so many reasons that parents are confused and upset or saddened because their child has said they are gay.

I know I was shocked and also relieved when I first found out about my eldest son. But I new I couldn't change him so I just wanted to find out more about homosexuality and help him survive in this homophobic and cruel world.

It's funny, that I was under the conception that everyone would not accept our son or us and yet I couldn't have been more wrong. Sure, society in general are not so accepting but the people that mattered to us are.
It takes guts to come out of that closet that our child was in. Once we saw how very brave and courageous our son was it made it easier for us to also come out.

In may ways the full circle had come around because once we were there to teach and guide our sons and then the tables turned for them to guide and teach us. For that we are very proud.

It can be difficult for us at times and none so more than when our second son told us he was bisexual. This was a shock once again but not a relief as with our other son. I felt a little isolated as I had two gay children not just one. My family is not unique in this. There are many families with more than one child being gay.

The important thing for us was to band together and support each other. Talk and learn together. Sure it took awhile for us to fully come to terms with this but it has strengthened our relationship and made us more understanding and tolerant towards others.

Life is a funny thing sometimes. Often it takes something of this nature to put life into perspective and remind you of what is really important and of what isn't so important. Our children are and always have been the most important thing in our lives.

The fact that they are safe, healthy and happy means everything to my husband and myself. We have been inside that closet and we have come out of that closet.

Because of the family that we are we are truly blessed.
About the Author
Susan Dean (Debbie) has two sons, one is gay and one bisexual.Her website http://www.gayfamilysupport.com is full of relevant information and stories from parents who have gay children.
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