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Are Your Values Setting You Up For Disappointment?

Jun 5, 2008
There was a lady who came to my seminar, who found out that what was really holding her back all these years were her two top "Towards-Values" as they were conflicting values.

Her number one value was spirituality, and to her being spiritual meant following the rules of the Bible very, very closely. And she interpreted one of the passages that it was not spiritual to have money. Guess what was her number two value?

Her number two value was money. So every time she worked hard for money, she felt guilty because she felt money would make her less spiritual. So in the end, she felt totally unfulfilled.

Another gentleman discovered why his relationships never lasted more than three months. See to him, his number one value in life was love. He felt love every time he was in this close relationship. That is what drove him to get into relationships in the first place.

On the other hand, his number two value was freedom. And to him, he defined freedom as not having to answer to anyone except himself. It also meant that he was free to do his own thing at his own time. And unfortunately, he felt that whenever he was in a relationship, he had no freedom. So as a result, his two values conflicted.

He wanted to be in a relationship and on the other hand he wanted out. So as a result, his relationships would never last more than three months and these two values tore him apart.

I had another lady who came for one of my programmes, whom on the first day appeared to be very unhappy and miserable with her life. She frowned all the time, and she seemed to pick fights with all the people around her. She always got into trouble.

When it came to the session on values, it was really obvious why. She ranked happiness as her number one value in her life. Now, when I first saw that, I was a bit puzzled and I said, "Well, if happiness is her number one value, why are you miserable all the time?"

Then I looked at her definition. To her, she only felt happy when everything went her way exactly as the way she wanted. It is no wonder why she felt and acted in such a miserable way.

Because nothing ever happens exactly the way we want it, does it? And that unhappiness prevented her from taking the action she needed to build relationships with the people around her to achieve her goals.

So as you can see, it is not just not how we rank our values that could empower us, or limit us. More importantly, it is also how we have learned to define these values to ourselves.
By defining our values in the wrong way, we could be setting ourselves up for disappointment.
About the Author
Adam Khoo is an entrepreneur, best-selling author and a self-made millionaire by the age of 26. Discover his million dollar secrets and claim your FREE bonus report 'Ultimate Success Formula' at Patterns Of Excellence.
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