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Coping With Cheating In Your Mate

Jun 13, 2008
Surviving infidelity is a personal process. It will come with pain, anxiety, and anger, to name just a few emotions. You are an individual and your feelings and circumstances will differ from mine. What advice I offer here is just a few ideas of what to do if your mate cheats on you and leaves.

It is important to take care of yourself and allow yourself some treats and special things. This can be difficult advice to follow; you do not want to add a shopping addiction or crushing debt to your problems. Still, indulging your whims now and again can be healing. Choose your gifts to yourself wisely, focusing especially on those that have personal significance. An inexpensive piece of art or jewelry can be very satisfying without costing too much.

By holding onto and cherishing your values, you will remind yourself of your worth, even when you may not be feeling very high on yourself. You are still a lovable person who deserves happiness and a good relationship. For me, although I loved my ex, being with him forced me to compromise and lose part of my identity. I have regained that now.

Don't blame yourself. Remember that it was your partner who cheated. Even if there were problems in the relationship that you made together, he or she was the one who violated the basic terms of the relationship. Trust and truthfulness are most important above all, and you were not the one who threw these away.

Be joyful in the small things. I remember grinning from ear to ear, like a manic grocery shopper, when I reached for that glass jar of spaghetti sauce with mushrooms, something I could never buy because my boyfriend hated it. I made essential oils and filled my place full of soothing smells, something my ex used to call unnecessary odors. His stinky socks he would toss on the floor after work contained the real unnecessary odors, not my eucalyptus vanilla scented oil.

Don't let yourself become isolated. Turn to your closest friends and family and use them to keep you going through the toughest times. Don't be afraid to ask for help; this is what friendship and family are truly about. If you do not have a close network of people, or if this is something you lost in the break up, seek out therapy or a support group.

A break up can also be the start of new interests. Look into finding a new hobby, or joining a club. For me, it was knitting that became my new beginning. I joined a knitting circle and not only had the pleasure of learning a new craft, but also the joy of the friendships that grew up around my new hobby.

I am getting to know myself more and more as I go through the process of mourning life after infidelity. Surviving an affair is a journey that can open many paths for growth. Take joy and comfort in carving your own road to healing. Once you have gained some perspective, you too can share what you have learned through your experience. The pain will subside, bringing about something beautiful in you if you let it.
About the Author
Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you cope with infidelity. Don't suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.
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