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How To Take Vengeance On Your Ex-Lover

Jun 13, 2008
Revenge, they say, is sweet. But I disagree. I think it's bitter-sweet.

Being cheated on, lied to and/or dumped is without question amongst the most painful experiences anyone can have. And the urge to get back at someone who's treated you that way can be powerful. I have an idea about how you can do it. Wanna hear it?

Okay. First, let me tell what you absolutely shouldn't do.

Don't go and sleep with someone else. It may feel like "sauce for the goose" - but you'll cheapen yourself plus you'll have badly used and abused another human being for your own gains, and since being used and abused is what you're complaining about, that's going to backfire big time. That could haunt you forever, in fact. So don't do it.

Now, I did once meet a lady who put a large shovel through the windscreen of her cheating husband's Mercedes, and I do understand that she was a tad annoyed with him that day. But then she had to face a criminal damages charge, and it didn't do her own divorce settlement any favours either. Damaging property isn't going to work either. As for damaging them, who do you think you are? John Bobbit's wife? Seriously, you'll end up in jail. You just can't do it.

So, what to do then? How do you get even?

Remember I said I think revenge is bitter-sweet? That's because if you don't do it right you can end up being hurt too, mostly by your own hand, as I hope I've just demonstrated. What to do is to get happy. Happier than you were when you were together.

You almost certainly aren't going to be ready for love for a while, so that isn't the answer for most people. The way forward is to fulfil a dream or two.

Always wanted to learn to sail? Now's the time! How about take singing lessons, or if you're already talented in that kind of way, get yourself an agent and do some cabaret! Write your novel, (even if no one reads it!) Be there for you in a way that the person who's left your life never was.

You can even take yourself on dates! Sounds silly, I know, but it works. You book a table for one at an exclusive restaurant, dress to the nines, take a taxi both ways so you can drink the lovely wine, and you take your favourite novel and enjoy an evening of being waited on hand and foot. Okay, so it'll cost, but you need to remember that you're worth a treat.

Which brings me to my final point. If you're still raw from the pain of what's happened, do something non-cerebral. That means all the thinking about it and talking about it isn't going to change what's happened, and what you need to do right now is to change the way you feel. Talking and thinking won't achieve that either. Not at first.

So, go and get a Shiatsu massage, or take a day at a spa, (yes, guys can do this too). Aromatherapy also can be a treat - something that involves your senses, but not your mind. Even an hour or two can be extremely therapeutic.

Then go forth and live fully being you. You don't need to flaunt it. Just enjoy the smug feeling of knowing that you're healing.
About the Author
Trevor Emdon is an expert on relationship trust and other self help issues. Check out www.trust-in-relationships.com for details of his latest book and free reports.
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