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Competition is Not Always Healthy

Jun 15, 2008
Being in a relationship is difficult enough as it is. The last thing anyone wants is to find themselves in a competition with their mate. If your lover finds himself feeling like a rival, your relationship is in big trouble. If you can detect the problem when it begins, you can avoid suffering irreversible damage to your relationship.

Ambitious, competitive people are likely to find themselves in relationships with each other, where this problem is likely to arise. If this description applies to you, you should really take the time to consider whether or not your relationship is suffering from this problem. "Boy energy," is something Rori Raye talks about - it is the type of energy that women use to reach great heights. She suggests that we women avoid bringing it to our relationships with men, because it can undermine our efforts to make him feel loved, respected, and accepted.

The signs that there is a problem should be pretty obvious. He will begin to avoid competitive activities, and may become confrontational when you ask him to do little things like go jogging or play a game of pool. When he begins to shy away from fun things you once enjoyed together that involve competition, you can be sure that something is wrong.

It doesn't take much to step on his toes, really. If you interrupt his stories with anecdotes of your own, he is going to feel as though you are putting yourself before him, and publicly humiliating him as well. Making jokes at his expense will have the same effect.

You need to understand the role that you play in his life if you want to really get why these things are destructive to your relationship. He wants to feel like you love him, respect him, and accept him. When you stop giving him the love, respect, and acceptance he needs, it begins to chip away at his confidence in the relationship. That doubt is poisonous.

As soon as you sense that there is a problem, it is imperative that you begin to seek solutions. Rather than asking why he is bent out of shape, you need to begin by asking why you feel a need to compete with him. Is it your own insecurity that is driving your actions? Only when you are truly secure in yourself and your relationship, will you be willing to give the praise and support he desires rather than taking it for yourself.

You can turn things around before they become critical if you just take the time to notice this problem as soon as it begins. As long as you take the time to consider what it would feel like to be in his shoes, you will be able to understand why this is a problem. No one likes to be one-upped, especially by their mate! Next time a competitive situation arises, be encouraging and supportive. Be generous and kind rather than selfish and self-serving. By making his victories your own, your relationship will thrive by being mutually supportive and loving.
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