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The Perfect Car For The Vertically Challenged

Jun 19, 2008
We've all seen those vertically challenged people. There are the women who resemble weebles, little short, round women with stumps for legs and we wonder how they ever manage the everyday things, like the top shelf in a supermarket. In fact, the supermarket is not much of a problem because the small women retain that child like look for a long time and people (men) are willing to help out, reaching for our goods and making themselves feel all manly and powerful.

How do these women drive cars is another dilemma that has often kept me awake at night. It turns out they buy a Mini Cooper. Perfectly proportioned for the mini person is the Mini car. Put a mini woman in one of these and she feels like a normal person in a normal car. It's a great self esteem booster and also comes fully equipped with easy parking instructions. You stand by the roadside looking lost and helpless and along comes a man with an inbred need to feel powerful and manly and he simply picks it up and puts it in a space for you.

In a Mini you will find a little diddy steering wheel, similar to those plastic Noddy cars that kids have. You will find itsy bitsy controls and gear sticks. It's great! It all matches! It's like being little and playing at being a grown up!

Then we come to the vertically challenged man. These come in rotund or slight varieties and all but a rare few will come with 'little man syndrome'. The rotund still need a car where they will be able to reach the pedals but will they get those beach ball stomachs behind the steering wheel? Maybe if they sit in the back seat they might. The slightly built height deprived man is another kettle of fish and altogether a lot more difficult to deal with.

Little man syndrome is an affliction of a terrible nature. These poor individuals will go through life never knowing the manly and powerful experience of reaching any womanly goods, lifting large objects or flexing their muscles and posing on the beach without looking silly. Most women find them cute. Cute is not the way a man wants to look and neither does he want his head patted or need 'taking care' of like a little doll.

Given the size of most women's handbags these days you could probably fit one of these little men in them. This is a great idea when you're on the train. Stash them away in your bag and you won't have to pay for their fare but if you get caught at least you could get away with a half fare.

Of course, the unfortunate man that suffers little man syndrome will definitely own a Mini. Behind that wheel he becomes a demon of normality. He feels fully grown, masterful and in control (albeit small controls). What is quite funny - and I'm in no way suggesting you should mock the afflicted - is to see one of these people with road rage.

Feeling normal behind the wheel of their little car, they get carried away. If someone cuts them up on the roundabout they become incensed at the thought that they are being overlooked (quite literally) again! Thus ensues a frenzy of horn blowing (read: squeaking) and all the frustrations of a lifetime of shortness come spilling over. He'll get out of the car, shake his chubby little fist and whine like a toddler on helium about the audacity of it all.
About the Author
Social expert Catherine Harvey looks at the way Mini have made it easier for small people to feel normal.
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