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Get Back Together: The Overall Plan

Jun 21, 2008
The one you love is gone and you want to get back together. Here's a proven plan that you can use to pull it off. Even if you don't know why they left, and they show no sign of wanting you back right now, this simple plan will give you the best chance possible of getting them back. It will show you how to get back together.

Using this plan, you'll work on becoming the kind of person they'll want to come back to. Indeed, you'll be the kind of person others will want to be with too. There's no need to trick or manipulate your loved one the way some people suggest. This approach might take longer than the trickier, more manipulative approaches, but its more honest and more likely to give you a strong, lasting relationship in the end.

The plan has four steps or stages. I'll list them here, then talk about each one in a little more detail.

Step 1: Give up trying to control your loved one

Step 2: Find a goal or purpose for your life and make that your priority, not your ex

Step 3: Let go of doubts and fears and focus on yourself

Step 4: Ask the right questions

As you can see, this is not the usual approach to restoring a relationship. It is based on changing the one thing you can control (yourself), rather than on changing your ex. Let's talk a little more about each of these steps.

Step 1: Give Up Trying to Control Your Loved One

This is a big one. Without realizing it, many of us try to get our loved ones to fill our emotional needs for us. We have expectations that we want them to fulfill for us and we subtly, unconsciously put pressure on them to do so. Most people eventually rebel against such pressure, even if they don't realize it consciously.

Even helping someone can be a method of manipulation. Helping someone too much, constantly suggesting a better way to do things, and not allowing them to deal with their own issues make them dependent on you instead of on themselves.

Step 2: Find a Priority Higher Than Your Ex

When your ex is the most important thing in your world, it is hard to have a healthy relationship with them. Their moods, needs, and interests tend to become your priority, rather than your own moods, needs, and interests. This becomes smothering for them and emotionally crippling for you.

When you know who you are and what your priorities in life are, you can put your relationship in perspective. You won't be so uptight, so clingy, so smothering. You'll be healthier and the other person in your life will have room to breathe. You'll also likely be a more interesting, upbeat person. Someone your ex is more likely to want to get back together with.

Step 3: Let Go of Doubts and Fears and Focus on Yourself

The only thing you can truly control in this world is yourself. Worrying about what your ex is doing, who they are with, whether they still love you and so on is pointless. You can't change any of that. You can't control it. Instead, focus on what you can control, which is yourself. Become the kind of person your ex wants to get back together with. Become the kind of person who attracts others to you.

When your mind is full of doubt and fear, it affects how you see the world and how you interact with others. And it isn't pretty. When you are feeling doubt and fear, try to look at yourself with a strangers eyes. Right at that moment, are you someone you would want to be with? If not, why would your ex (or anyone else) want to be with you either? Focus on being the best partner, the best lover, the best person you can be and you will become incredibly more attractive to others.

Step 4: Ask the Right Questions

What you think about controls how you feel and act. More specifically, the questions you ask yourself strongly affect how you look at the world, how you act toward others, and how you react to the world around you. So think carefully about what you think about. If you ask yourself negative, fearful questions, you will become more negative and fearful. Your ex already left. Why would they want to get back together with you if you've become negative and fearful on top of whatever issues caused the split in the first place?

Instead, ask yourself positive, practical questions. Instead of asking yourself who your ex is with right now, ask yourself what you can be doing to make yourself a better, happier person while you have this time alone. Instead of asking yourself how you can survive without your ex, ask yourself how you can take better control of your emotions and not be so dependent on others. Be the kind of person others want to be around, and you'll greatly increase the likelihood that you will get back together.

That's the bare outline of the plan. It's not so much a how to get back together plan as it is a become the kind of person that your ex will want to get back together with plan. Follow the plan and you're not only likely to get back together with your ex, you'll be happier and enjoy all aspects of your life more.
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Do you want to get back together with the one you love? There's still hope! Learn how to get them back with a proven plan for saving your relationship.
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