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Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! Dating, Lies and Deception Are Often a Package Deal

Jun 24, 2008
Whether you are a teen new to dating, or recently single again after a breakup or divorce, it pays to date smart! Learn to recognize the behaviors that indicate your date is not being 100% truthful.

Lies of Omission

Your date conveniently "forgot" to mention that there was a spouse at home, a baby on the way with an ex, a live-in partner, or a pending indictment for stalking. Lies of omission are the most common manipulative game singles play.

Your date's objective is to manipulate your reality by omitting key facts. This puts you at a marked disadvantage, as you think you are getting involved in a situation and with a person that actually doesn't exist.

To solve this problem don't be afraid to ask pointed questions. Keep asking until you get a clear idea of who this person is, their availability, lifestyle and goals.

Misrepresentations of Facts

This game involves pretense and deception, again with the goal of getting you involved in a relationship that you would most likely avoid if you had all the facts.

Examples of misrepresentations would be exaggerating income, job title, an interest in you that is more than physical, or feelings of "love" that are really nothing but lust.

Often these misrepresentations involve social status. A man you meet does work at a hospital, but he works as a nurse not a doctor. She did go to college, but does not have a degree because she dropped out.

These types of statements are typically referred to as "little white lies," and viewed as harmless. But really, how confident can you be that your date is telling you the truth about other aspects of his or her life?

Plain Ole Fat Lies!

Women need to remember that a great many men will say whatever they think you want to hear if it will provide access to your body.

You say you won't sleep with him without a commitment - one committed relationship coming right up!

Unfortunately, most dating singles put a lot of stock on the words they hear. "I love you, you do something to me, I miss being with you" are magical words to many.

To solve this problem, put your emphasis on the behaviors and ACTIONS of your dates instead of the words they speak. If words of love are spoken often, but promised telephone calls never come, romantic dates are broken, and promised gifts are never delivered, you can bet a game is being played.

Lies and games are an integral part of dating, and generally of our modern existence. The smart single pays more attention to what his or her partner DOES than to what is said.

Words can easily be twisted and spun into tall tales and fables. But a person's actions and their day-to-day behavior, will tell you more about their lifestyle and actual feelings for you than anything else.

If ever in doubt, watch what your partner does and close your ears to what he or she says.
About the Author
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm PST.
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