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Useful Mindsets in Dealing with Male Competition - I

Jun 24, 2008
Have you avoided approaching a girl just because she is talking to another guy?

Or maybe you avoided approaching a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you feared embarrassment just because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.

There are a couple of reasons why most guys are too shy in approaching women who are with other guys.

They think that the woman is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.

Guys shouldn't think this as a barrier of talking to a woman. Plus - she's not a guy's "slave" or a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses, especially in a social situation like in the bar where people meet other people.

Approaching oftenly a woman who is "with" a guy can make you look more confident, and draw out the jealous side of the guy, making him look insecure and weak.

The other reason guys don't approach women with other men points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.

Men tend to be threatened by other men, they assumed that the "other guy" is more cooler, stronger, or somehow powerful than they are.

This is founded in an ancient survival strategy that has been hardwired into the human brain.

In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.

He doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.

To assumed that the guy is a threat is the safest way to play. Because guys that are too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take them a single mistake that can end up their game.

And then their genes were eliminated from "race" so to speak.

So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.

The irony is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - men makes a false assumptions that will lead them to avoid approaching women unnecessarily.

The thing is, most times when you see a woman talking to another guy in the bar or club, she's not WITH him.

Usually, they JUST MET!

I can't tell you how many times I've approached a woman thinking she was "with" a guy, only to find out he was some random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.

I have regrets to those times that I've missed so many opportunities talking to a woman just because I saw her with another guy. And this brings me to my first point:

I SHOULDN'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL I SEE A PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE GIRL.

Approach a woman so that you will know what they really are. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.

So be smart and wise - don't just stick around on having a false judgment.
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