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Six Pointers To Aid You With Anger Problems at Home

Jun 25, 2008
Experiencing anger within you, your partner, or child can really be unsettling. What is it about anger that makes most of us recoil, withdraw, or resist and fight? In one situation we can feel vulnerable and helpless, and on the other, powerful and in control.

And, how is it that we are often willing to be patient, caring, strong, and even forgiving of incidents of anger in situations other than home, while responding to anger that occurs at home with indignation, impatience, and, well, un-forgiveness?

Our personal relationships connect us through kinship or history, and so these ties are just dynamically different and unique to us compared to relationships we are involved in outside of the home. And so our personal relationships are much more challenging because we have a much greater investment and a more intimate connection with them. However, whether at home with the people you love or outside the home with the people you work with or meet, how you cope with anger is deeply rooted in what you think about it. So, consider the following questions.

What do you really think about anger?

The opinions, beliefs, and expectations you hold about anger have a powerful influence on how well you're able to accept and manage anger in yourself and between you and someone else. Are you of the opinion that the presence of anger is bad and must not be tolerated in a relationship? Or, that couples experiencing lots of anger have a poor relationship and no longer love each other?

Do you believe that anger does more harm than good in marriage, and therefore should be minimized as much as possible? Or, that anger is a legitimate way to gain the cooperation you need from your children or partner? Maybe you believe anger should never be openly acknowledged as anger, or that venting is preferable to holding anger in?

What do you expect your partner to do when you are angry? What kind of expectations have you placed on yourself for dealing with your anger and the anger of others?

Your Answers Are Revealing

If you answered honestly, and I hope you did, your answers will help you see where you are in your attitude about dealing with anger. Do your answers indicate that you are being controlled by anger (yours and others')? If so, learning to manage it instead can prove highly beneficial for you. Are you making choices that help you manage yourself in the presence of anger? Here are six helpful pointers to remember about anger that can improve how you cope with it at home.

1. Anger is a normal human emotion that can and must be constructively directed.
2. Anger is about what you think, feel, want, see, hear, and do.
3. Anger never eliminates your ability to choose a course of action.
4. Anger is a personal and interpersonal experience unique to each person and situation.
5. Anger patterns that are dissatisfying can be changed.
6. Anger naturally influences the climate of a relationship; pay attention, and act wisely.

Finally, I like to think of anger as an indicator that "lights up" to signal us to check in on our relationship or our self. Paying attention to this important signal will help you stay well-connected in your relationships at home.
About the Author
For more tips about relationship and marriage visit http://blog.seducewoman.co.cc
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