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How Husbands Can Write an Affirmative and Effective Note to Their Wives

Aug 17, 2007
There are many articles that cover the mechanics for writing love letters, like the eight rules for personal love letters or writing to express your love and admiration during treasured moments. But one question is underneath the actually writing, "How do I compose a positive and loving letter to my wife?"

Before I share three points of awareness that I have realized, let's explore the top, current influences and thinking on marriage that can affect our beliefs. Let me rephrase the second half of that last sentence. Let's examine some of the prevailing ways we think about marriage that can affect how we envision our spouses.

We live in a modern society and age that is heavily influenced by a dominant media. While each of us has the power to make our own choices, it is easy to get swept away by group-think that plants weeds contrary to marriage, a husband's role and what makes an intimate and lasting friendship.

The predominant media influence is television. In the United States, movies, sitcoms and reality TV shows attract very large audiences. Whether we personally watch these shows or not,
friends regularly talk about what happened on the "show." Many of these shows depreciate how husbands contribute to a marital relationship and play up to dog fights in a marriage for the sake of amusing humor. There are even cartoon shows in prime time that poke fun at the embattled, selfish husband who has to cover up his scheming to keep his wife from finding out about his adventures, whatever those might be.

The second forceful media influence is the popular print publications such as newspapers, tabloids and "relationship" periodicals. Headlines shout throughout our waking moments to sell copies aboutastounding revelations of celebrity divorces, separations, affairs and more. For those who devour these stories, one's thinking is cast that this is the way marriage is supposed to be. So, what do these two situations have to do with husbands writings a positive and loving letter to their wives?

In the early 1900s, James Allen wrote a very small book, "As a Man Thinketh." Mr. Allen posed the verifiable truth, "we become what we think about." If we husbands allow our thinking to get swept away by absorbing the prevailing media messages about husband and wives, it will be very difficult to write a positive and loving letter. The answer is to avoid the negative and create a positive environment that supports uplifting thinking and inspiring values. Where can we men look to do that?

First, we need to locate and participate in a network of loving, happily married couples. This could be a marriage support group or enrichment program at church, a Marriage Encounter weekend or continuing dialog group, neighbors or families where marriage is revered..

Second, we need to observe our own thoughts. Absorb praiseworthy thoughts about marriage and about our wives. This can involve recalling the happy times in marriage and reflecting upon the traits admired most about our wives. On the action side, making plans to do more activities together reinforces the positive thinking. In his book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," Dr. John Gottmann outlines a seven week course in fondness and admiration.

For five days a week, a husband considers a positive thought about his wife and then takes action upon it. When I took this course for my wife, I took the exercise to another level by creating cards for each day and then writing a note to my wife that I gave to her. Doing that really put my money on the table when I shared my thoughts like that with her. I declared my intent and was being accountable at the same time. The exercise came at the right time, when my wife's mother entered a nursing home and our young daughter struggled with a health issue. My wife was overwhelmed by the show of personal support and affirmation. It made a real improvement in how I consciously communicated with my wife.

Third, a husband's ability to write loving words to his wife hinges on vocabulary. It is a well-known fact that women are more adept in relationships than men are. Men need to take acting lessons before they can star in the emotional intelligence theater. One way to develop a love language is to take some time to read love poems, greeting cards and samples of other love letters. It is perfectly acceptable for a husband to ask his wife what she would like him to write to her. If he makes convey to use his own feelings of fondnness and admiration, a husband can write a positive and loving letter that will make a powerful impact.
About the Author
Dave Pipitone is a professional communicator and happily married husband to Cheryl and doting father to Emily. Husbands can find more valuable information about improving their love letter writing skills at http://www.songofourmarriage.com
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