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5 Reasons For Adultery - And Their Antidotes

Jul 2, 2008
Adultery is assumed to belong to a realm of casual contact. Adultery is devastating to any marriage, regardless of the circumstances. Adultery is a reaction to abuse, and it is a tool of abuse.

Recent surveys have revealed that 45% of women and 55% of men have been guilty of committing adultery. Of course these are just the ones who have admitted to it or have been caught so the real numbers must be considerably higher.

There are different areas in their marriages that those surveyed found lacking. 65% of those who admitted to committing adultery said that they lacked sexual intimacy so they chose to look for it elsewhere. 20% claimed that the emotional side of their relationship was lacking, whilst the rest cited physiological needs as the reasons for their dishonesty.

So with these staggering adultery statistics don't you think it's in your best interests to know what the main reasons for it are? You should never be complacent in your own marriage because these figures demonstrate that adultery is not just something that happens to someone else.

Whether it's one night stands or long term affairs it's quite clear from these alarming figures that everyone has the capability to cheat on their partner.

Research reveals that there are 5 main reasons for adultery. These are:

1. Loneliness.

Yes, lonely and in a relationship. It's not a contradiction in terms. Do you spend a lot of time away from home? Do you concentrate more on your career than on your loved one? Perhaps you simply prefer to spend more time with your friends than with your partner.

If these are symptomatic of your behaviour, then perhaps you owe it to yourself to ask what's wrong with your relationship. The problem with committing adultery is that it can make you both feel bad. And it doesn't solve the relationship problems. It adds another. A huge one!

The truth is, if that's happening, you're probably both lonely.

Here's the way out of this.

Imagine how your partner would be if he or she were perfect for you. Write it down.

Now tell him or her what you're doing, and ask her/him to do the same.

Here's the game: over the next week you're both to secretly pick a day when you'll behave as if you were perfect for the other - but you're going to be subtle about it. Neither of you is to discuss the game for seven days.

But you are going to secretly note down when you thought your partner was trying to please you.

Exactly seven days later - to the hour - you are to compare notes.

What you'll discover is that you noticed lots of times when you thought it might be happening because you forced each other to focus on positives again!

2. Communication barriers.

Poor communication invariably causes problems in a marriage or relationship. Problems and arguments left unresolved can compound and fester when partners are either unwilling or unable to discuss these with each other.
The antidote? Well, of course, talk to each other, but that's not going to help if you're both certain that you're right and all you want to do is prove it. You'll just build up even more resentment!

If you really want to save your relationship - and steer clear of adultery - you need to let go of the idea of being right. No one has the final say on how anything should be done. Check out the world's politicians and religious leaders if you're not sure about that!

The goal is to be kind. Be allowing. Get interested in the notion that there's always another way to do something, to think about something and simply to be.

If you can do that, your partner becomes an object of fascination - a joy and a wonder, not an obstacle.

3. Lack of love and affection.

Lack of affection or love is one of the most common reasons for adultery. People will look to others when these needs are not being met by their spouse or partner.

Find out what constitutes affection - even simple acknowledgement - by your partner. I recall hearing a story where a wife was hugely insulted because her dripping wet husband did not thank her for handing him a towel in the shower.

He was actually very grateful, but he just didn't say the words out loud.

Again, communication is at the root of this.

4. A poor sexual relationship

Boredom in the bedroom will often lead to one or even both partners going off and seeking excitement and variety elsewhere.

This means quality and actually - equality. Take turns to call the shots, and get clear about what your likes and limits are - for both of you.

5. Lack of intimacy

Marriages need intimacy to survive. Without this in your marriage you may well feel unloved, rejected and unwanted.

Intimacy is of course physical, but there are many other ways to be intimate. Share laughter. Share private code words and signals like a hand gesture or an eyebrow flash that just have meaning to the two of you. Cook together. (Give up the takeaways!) Get a joint project - like growing your own vegetables. One couple I know built a car - a real one - from a kit.

Whatever turns you on!

If you are aware of any of these issues in your own marriage read through my antidotes and address them before it's too late!
About the Author
Trevor Emdon is a self improvement author, life coach and workshop leader. He is a trained mental health professional & NLP practitioner.

For advice, free articles and more about heartbreak recovery, visit his website www.trust-in-relationships.com
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