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Is He Doubting Your Future?

Jul 10, 2008
Many women experience the trauma of seeing an otherwise great relationship suddenly take a 180-degree turn. This almost always happens when a man, who was so eager to settle down into a long-term relationship with you, suddenly expresses doubts about commitment and ideas such as raising a family. A few arguments here and there occurs, which makes things worse.

Unfortunately, most relationships that hit this sort of bump on the road never recover and end in a breakup. But believe it or not, the breakup happens right after the woman tries to solve the problems.

If you've experienced that before, then you're probably asking yourself to this very day - how did things go wrong when I was doing everything to make things right?

You see, relationships almost never work using the scientific method. You don't identify the problem, suggest a solution, carry it out, and see how it goes. Think about it - this is exactly the way some men think when looking for a woman. They've grown to think that women can be easily convinced, attracted, or seduced over "pick-up lines" -- ridiculous as the idea may be.

But some men really do use these pick-up lines, and when they get blown off by a woman, they only think, "Maybe I used the wrong pick-up line. I'll try something else and see how it goes." Naturally, you know how men like these fare in the dating game.

The same goes for women who see problems growing in their relationships.

Their first instinctive reaction would be to let their men know about the problem and try to fix it as soon as possible, or - worse - try to convince the man to fix it themselves. While fixing the problem may seem to be the logical thing to do, it only convinces the man that there really is something wrong with the relationship - and things go spiraling downward from there.

So how do you keep him from doubting the future and getting more and more distant?

It's all a matter of perspective. If you see the problem as something that threatens your relationship, then it will definitely be a problem. But if you see it as a challenge that you as a couple can get through together, then it will be a stepping stone towards a better relationship.

Likewise, if you think the problem lies with him (or his circumstances) and let him know, then you're unconsciously waiting for him to solve the problem. But that's not likely going to happen, especially if you keep fussing about it. Here's why - within any problem lies the solution. If you step back and see yourself as part of the problem, you'll be much better able to think of a way to get over it.

So don't go around trying to fix the problem yourself - instead, be the woman that he used to love. If he sees you as someone worth fighting for, then you'll see that he'll take steps in fixing the problem himself - and he might not even know it.
About the Author
Aaron Adams specialises in relationship matters for women. Has he stopped calling? Visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com to find out how why.
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