Home » Relationships

Trying to Make Him Someone He is Not?

Jul 10, 2008
Did you ever notice how someone who was an "okay" guy in the beginning began changing and somehow down the road lost interest in the relationship? In the beginning the romance steadily climbed and after a couple of months reached its maximum intensity, but then suddenly hit a plateau, then it was downhill from that day on.

Loving then losing the man you thought loved you have always been a mystery. And when this new boyfriend comes along you tell him immediately the things you like and do not like because you wanted to be "honest" from day one. What happened in the past shouldn't happen again, so you tell your new man the right way to show his love, and everything would be wonderful from the very beginning, right?

Sorry, but no. It doesn't work that way.

A lot of women automatically think that she needs to "educate" their men and "teach" him how he should love her. Or you could simply be the woman that he loves. Honestly, you can't teach and educate your man just to get the change that you want to find in him. In other words, you can't be both a teacher and a lover.

For a man to be inspired to change, he needs to look up to someone he admires and tries to emulate. Only then can he change for the better, but remember that he won't be changing for you. He'll be changing for his sake.

Even if you tried to be that person he looks up to, you won't change him into be the man you want him to be. As I have said earlier, you man will change for his own sake, because he wants to change for himself and not for you. Hard reality, perhaps, but that is how things are.

Having said that, is there any way that you can change your man?

As I have said before, you cannot. What you can do is to lessen the probability of going into a hurtful relationship with men like that. How? When you are still in the stage of casually dating and getting to know each other, be yourself and do not pretend to be somebody you are not. You simply won't be able to keep up the ruse forever. If you want him to truly love you, be simply and unabashedly yourself.

Pretending may get his attention in the beginning, but the true "you" will always show up in the end. And when that happens, you can almost be sure what his next move would be.

He'll withdraw, realizing that you're really not the woman he fell in love with.

The simple solution to this problem is honesty. You would be surprised, but the good men are the ones who value honesty, as opposed to jerks who only want beautiful trophy girlfriends to show off. This is not the relationship that you want for yourself. You want a man who loves you deeply because you are who you are, right?
About the Author
Aaron Adams specialises in relationship matters for women. Visit http://www.datingquestionsforwomen.com to find out how to attract and keep the man you like.
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