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Shyness and Dating: Why Shy Men Need to Suck it Up, Man Up, and Go for the Gold!

Jul 12, 2008
Shyness is nothing but a socially acceptable and polite word for FEAR. In other words, "shy" people are scared shitless! Shy people are fearful of new experiences, of speaking up, of taking risks, and of new people.

Timid, insecure and self-conscious, shy men are relegated to the fringe of dating society. Associating speaking up and social interaction with painful and humiliating rejection, shy single men will do ANYTHING to avoid such pain. This includes seeking better employment, promotions and raises.

People that claim to be shy have bombarded their psyche with negative messages of rejection and failure. After one of these downer pep talks, you find yourself afraid of being rejected, afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid of looking stupid. Is it any wonder that you go into social situations shivering in fear?

The way around this is to stop the negative thoughts as soon as they start. Stop thinking about the pain you MIGHT, MAYBE, POSSIBLY feel, and instead focus on the joy you can bring into someone's life, the fun you can have, and what it is going to feel like at the end of the evening when you head home a winner!

Remember that guys are nobody different from women when it comes to talking. We're all afraid of rejection and not being liked. Which means that women are just as afraid of being rejected, being dress inappropriately or looking foolish as you are! Ladies also enjoy a good conversation, witty banter and flirtatious flattery as much as anyone else.

Young men often claim they feel tongue-tied and don't know what to say. This problem is easily solved. You read books, watch television, come across interesting articles or news stories on the Web, right? Your family is as crazy as everyone else's, so you have hilarious family stories to share, right? You've traveled, enjoy hobbies or have other interests, right? Then you have fodder for starting a conversation.

Some men find it helpful to make a list of conversation-starting topics or questions and to memorize the list before they leave home to attend a party or dance.

At a party, nightclub or first date, few people want to discuss deep subjects like the philosophy of Nietzsche! In these meet and greet settings, it's all about getting to know who you are, allowing someone else to get to know you, and to find out what you two may have in common.

Get that ball rolling by walking up and introducing yourself. A shy guy might begin by sharing his name, where he goes to school, what he is majoring in, what he likes about it, any clubs you belong to, etc. Most women will also want to know what you do professionally as well. Be prepared to discuss your job and what you find to be rewarding or frustrating about it.

You might also share information about your family and siblings, including their ages, names, where your family home is, etc. Ask the same information of her. It's just talking and no big deal.

To avoid crossing boundaries which WILL get you rejected, please be a gentleman at all times. Avoid saying anything of an overly-familiar, personal or sexual nature. That means no comments about her body, no inappropriate touches, no innuendo that could make her feel uncomfortable and label you as "creepy" or "nasty."

Make it a point to force yourself to step outside your comfort zone and interact with others. Give yourself positive mental messages instead of negative ones of failure and humiliating embarrassment.

If you need to, read a book or two on affirmations, and start doing them every day. Affirmations are an amazingly effective way to change one's thoughts and expectations. Gain control of your mind and thoughts instead of allowing them to control you, and you'll never miss out on an opportunity due to shyness again!
About the Author
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm PST.
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