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Five Big Fat Dating Lies

Jul 13, 2008
From a very early age, most of us are taught that lying...just isn't good! Dare we forget what happened to that poor wooden puppet boy Pinocchio? Every lie he told made his nose grow that much longer. Surely, we didn't want that to ever happen to us, so for the most part, we have tried to tell the truth.

Still, despite our efforts, there are a lot of lies circulating around the world, especially when it comes to dating! Some of the lies are told to us by other people and some of them, we actually tell ourselves.

Let's examine 5 Big Fat Dating Lies.

Dating Lie #1.
"You'll find love when you least expect it."

How many times do you need to be told this big fat lie? When I was single this was the one lie that I really hated hearing. In fact, so often when well intention family and friends (who were all part of a couple) would say to me, "Just stop looking! You'll find love when you least expect it." I would respond back with a quick, "I've been least expecting it for quite some time, thank you very much!"

I don't think you find love when you least expect it. That's as stupid as saying, "You'll get a job when you least expect it." Do you think anyone would ever recommend that a person interested in a new career should not look? Don't send out a resume either, I suppose. Don't search in the classifieds for a new job. In fact, just give up the job search all together and suddenly, miraculously your dream job will show up, unannounced... when you least expect it! Right? Wrong! That entire thought process is insane!

I believe in looking, I believe in putting yourself out there, I believe that just giving up isn't the answer to finding love! Changing your mindset is the answer !

What does changing your mindset mean?

It means that you will find love... not when you "least expect it" but instead when you are truly ready for it. Someone who is ready for a relationship has taken time to have a healthy perspective on themselves and a real attitude toward others.

They no longer are looking for Prince Charming or Ms. Beauty Queen to come into their lives, fall madly in love with them and live happily ever after. They are being open minded to the true qualities of a person versus superficial ones that fade over time. They will begin to look at members of the opposite sex with a more realistic set of eyes. They become attracted to someone that they can talk with, have fun with and most importantly have the same ideals, values and hopefully goals for themselves.

When you are ready to get real and be open to that kind of sincere love in your life... then you will find love and you won't just be "least expecting it"."

Dating Lie #2.
"All the good ones are taken"

This lie is very interesting to me. If all the good ones are taken then why are you still single? Are you really a loser? Of course not! The fact is that there are over 100 Million single people just in the United States alone! I bet there are more than a few of them that are great... just like you! Don't buy into this negative thinking.

Dating Lie #3.
I'll know it when I meet "the one"

Every romantic on earth wants to meet, "The One." "The One" is our soulmate, right? He/She is just perfect for us. They can practically finish our sentences, they laugh at our jokes when everyone else thinks the jokes are stupid, we are wildly attracted to "The One" and there is an immediate chemistry that we just can't deny.

Let's get real, Romeo!

This type of initial chemistry does not mean that we have met, "The One." In fact, it's nothing more than pheromones initiated in our body that is part of the natural mating process, creating the desire to procreate and continue the human species.

Don't get me wrong, this initial attraction is wonderful and serves its purpose to further develop a relationship. That's great! But, it is rarely true lasting love.

True lasting love is one that stands the course of time. It is about meeting someone you are attracted to, getting to know them on a deep friendship level, truly caring about their needs and making a commitment to be truthful, respectful, supportive and loving toward them. I know many people who have fallen in love with someone they had known and been friends with for years. And then one day, they realize they have more feelings for that person than they realized. Friendship is an excellent building block for true love!

Don't mistake that initial feeling of chemistry as true love... and don't ever assume that it might take you awhile to realize that "The One" you have been looking for, has been there all along.

Dating Lie #4.
The Three Day Rule

If you meet someone you want to go out with, don't call them for three days. This way, you won't appear too desperate.

Who ever came up with this stupid rule? As a woman, I can tell you that when I was single this was one rule that I always thought should be broken. If you are fortune enough to meet someone you want to get to know better, then why wait three days to tell them so? Stop playing games! Most people love attention and everyone likes to know that someone else in this world finds them interesting.

Dating Lie #5
"I don't want to settle"

Have people told you that you're too picky? Is your standard answer, "I don't want to settle!" Do you think you are doing yourself a favor by waiting for the perfect person to come into your life? Would you rather be alone than be happy with someone who isn't perfect? Have you closed yourself off and set your standards so high that even Michael Jordan couldn't reach the rim?

The truth is that if you're expecting to find someone who is everything you ever dreamed of and you still find yourself alone after years and years of disappointment - let me enlighten you... "YOU ARE SETTLING!" Settling... for being perpetually single, unable to get real, unable to be realistic and unhappy about being alone.

We all make choices in life. We all settle for "something" too. We may love living in a big city, because we love the shopping, the cultural experiences, the night life, the restaurants and the job opportunities. On the other hand, we hate traffic, smog, crowds etc. Get the point? Everything in life is a give and a take... especially long lasting love relationships. Don't settle for being alone too long, if you don't want to be.

Remember the truth behind dating lie #2... there are over 100 million singles in this country... so refer back to the truth behind lie #1 and start looking in all the right places! You will find love, when your heart is open and you are truly ready to find it!
About the Author
Jackie Mahaney is a dating & relationship journalist as well as an inspiring author of a novel titled, "Meet Delaney" and host of "Everyday Woman" found on Women Web TV. Mahaney writes about life's personal relationships with honesty, integrity and of course, humor! To learn more about her books, relationship events and web tv show, visit Jackie Mahaney.
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