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A Message From Your Belly Fat

Jul 15, 2008
My beloved friend...

This is a letter from your ol' pal, belly fat. We had a great run this summer, didn't we? Lots of good times, great food, and plain ol' sitting around eating too much.

Why did i write this letter to you? I just did it to thank you for all the great times we had and to tell you that i want to be with you till death do us part. Just allow me to grow i little bit to feel more comfortable (and it's maybe time for you to buy that XXXL t-shirt).

Yes, we also have our issues. Like the time you were thinking of doing that interval training. That was mean! I felt like the Wicked Witch of the West in the land of Oz. Did you hear me yelling, "Help me, I'm melting!"? But its fine now, that's in the past.

Instead, stick to that slow cardio stuff. Sure I get a little sweaty, and the ol' brain up there thinks it's doing "a real fat burning workout", but it's never enough to melt me outta here.

Another thing, keep listening to those experts who say strength training doesn't burn body fat. Since research shows they're wrong, if you added strength training to your program, you'd practically need to throw me a going away party!

I will never forget that time when you started those superset workouts. I was burning! "So, this is the end" i thought. And when you gave up and went back to just lifting utensils and not dumbells, i felt really lucky.

Sometimes I wonder, what did you ever do in college without me, your trusted belly fat? Back then, you were probably one of those people that couldn't wait to get to the beach to show off your body, not like these days. Nope, stay in the shade and keep the cover-up clothes on, that's the way to go now. Besides, its a lot closer to the cold beer and the BBQ when you're sitting in the shade avoiding all the fun down on the beach.

I ask you one more time, i beg you, stay away from that Turbulence Training workout routine please. It makes me sick every time you think about it. Remember that i want to be with you in your grave (and i can take you there soon if i want to...just kidding). Then, if you still want to see me, don't even think about it never again. You need me more than i need you, remember that, and treat me well. You know there's a lot of people out there wishing to be my friend.

Your friend and spare tire, Belly Fat.

PS. Again i tell you, please don't go near that Turbulence Training program unless you want to see me, it will be a sad farewell, and you'd be stuck with ripped abs, gorgeous glutes, and toned arms, and you know how much attention that people get from the opposite sex. Who needs it, I say.
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