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Tips to Save Your Marriage

Jul 22, 2008
Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Staying happily married is even harder. Prevention is the key so that you don't wake up one day asking yourself "Should I stay married?" Marriage brings a lot of satisfaction to a person, especially if they plan on having children. Wait several years before you get married and don't marry young. People need to stop underestimating the importance of family relationships and religious differences.

Take your time to get to know the person before you marry. You need to ask yourself: "Is this the person you want to walk on the beach with when your hands are wrinkled and you walk slowly." A young boy and girl dressed in white wedding attire strolling down the church isles to a wedding arch. People thought we were doomed. Who would imagine that we we'd end up to 5 kids and 18 years later we are still together. The path to greater wealth may start with making a commitment--of the romantic kind.

My husband and I may not have been married as long as others but, along the way, we discovered that there are some common concepts that cut across marriages we have known to be successful-think of it about 30's,40's or 50's. The relationship has to be based on mutual respect, common purpose, and trust. Both parties need to identify what they want out of life and then continue that dialogue throughout their marriage. It doesn't take that much time, but it does take focus, and patience.

Know yourself more, being aware of the issues and, more than that, realistically confronting and surmounting them: it can help make a better you and a better spouse. Experiences that will help you evolve and expose yourself. Develop your self-esteem; imbibe a strong sense of self.

Knowing yourself, is a hard to accomplish task; to look deeply in the mirror and see the person you have become through your life choices. Most of us are conscious of the physical aspects of a person i.e. the exterior form. Every person has a different soul and temperament. The physical aspects of people may look alike, but there are very few with whom our souls meet. Expose yourself to ideas and experiences that will help you evolve, develop your self-esteem.

2. Love is a decision and a DOING WORD. I have learned that no relationship is perfect, and the needs of your mate constantly changes, but in order to have a long-lasting happy relationship, you have to make a conscious decision that I will love this person through the good and the bad. Love can never be based on feelings alone. There will be times when the one that you love will disappoint you, make you angry, and do or say something really stupid

Love as a decision. It is a statement that reminds couples to love the person, not the behavior. This situation can attract men plus women too. It means that LOVE is commitment that you made with your full, whole consciousness as a mature, self-actualized human being.

Love is a doing word. Feeling it and showing it are two different things. It requires commitment. It sometimes hurts and doesn't feel so good. But what does the world know of the kind of love that the Bible defines anyway? It's in the First Letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13.

Love is a doing word. EXPERIENCING THE WORLD WITHOUT LOVE is very cold and meaningless -- a mere acting out of some nightmare. When we experience the world in that way, it is because we have lost touch with the basic substratum of love energy. Love is not something that you can force. Both can attract men and women. Love is something that you can become receptive to, because it is there, underneath the surface. People who think love is a feeling will never succeed in marriage. They will never succeed in friendship. They will be likely to fail in most things they set their hands to. Love is as love does. I thought I'd tell you this now, here at the beginning, in case you had other things to think about. Of course, given that the word love is one of the most overused yet least understood words in the English language, it might not be a bad idea to give some attention to the status of your loving over these next few minutes. But what does the world know of the kind of love that the Bible defines anyway? Should it surprise me that the dictionary definition is so far removed from what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? I wonder if older dictionaries ever acknowledged the doing side of love? Is this dangerous limitation of the English concept of love a modern phenomenon? It requires commitment. It's about faithfulness.

In marriage to work, it would always advise in a couple to talk everything. It could be empty talk, just for companionship, it could also be philosophical talk, about one's insights and discovered wisdom. Whatever it is, talk. And while you're at it, respect each other's point of view.

3. Communication. Of course, that is the first thing to do. People have a misconception of what communication is. They think that's simply talking. Communicate with your spouse. Regular dialogue, quick conversations during the day or debriefing at night will keep the lines of communication open. Verbalize your differences. You and your partner will not always get along. There will be deviations because it is a natural happening for all couples

Listening. Being able to listen to your mate when they require it encourages them to talk when they need to. Do not interrupt them. Let them reveal what they need to and then take your turn. When a partner feels that the other person is not attentive, their lines of communicating shut down. Support is required in order to keep sharing what's going on with each other. When that support is broken, the lines of communicating will close down immediately.

Even if your marriage is headed toward separation or divorce, most marriage counselors are also experienced in handling these issues. Friendly support and advice can feel like life savers at this time of crisis. It can be a mistake for husband or wife to try to hang on to the marriage because of fear of exiting into a lonely, loveless existence.

Sustaining these key points in your relationship can guarantee that the lines of communicating will remain open. You will be able to develop a healthy relationship that will last a lifetime. Building a strong relationship is never entirely easy, but the rewards will keep on coming if you just hang in there. Numerous other tips and guidelines couples can learn from to improve their marriages but I find these 4 will serve them through the years.
About the Author
Carmela King is a team member of SaveMyMarriageToday.com. She and her husband is just one of the many couples who almost got divorced. The lessons taught by the site help them save their marriage their and this prompted her to join their team. She's now spreading the word to help other couples who are in the same situation.
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