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Ideas for Making her Laugh More and Love More

Jul 24, 2008
Our sense of humor is an integral part of our personality. Humor can lighten a difficult situation and make fun times even more fun. Women often say that a sense of humor is the most important quality they look for in a man.

One of the reasons I fell in love with my husband is his sense of humor. He just makes me laugh, even in a difficult situation, and it consistently lifts my spirit.

Sometimes the element of surprise by itself can bring humor into the relationship. A client James told me that one night he flip flopped in bed, with his head at her feet and vice versa. His wife came into the dark bedroom, climbed into her side a usual, chatted briefly and went to snuggle in. You can imagine her surprise when she found herself snuggling his foot! She was still smiling in the morning.

Walter strolled into the room one night completely nude, nothing but a paper bag hiding his head. "Would you know me anywhere?" Amanda burst into laughter. "She was chuckling for at least an hour, and very affectionate after that."

What about a tiny change? Mark climbed over on top of his wife to exit the bed on her side. When she grumpily asked what he was doing, he explained that usually he started the day climbing out on his side of the bed, and it was lonely over there. Today he wanted to start his day on her side of the bed, where he would be less lonely. She laughed and said the idea stayed with her all day. Silly and affectionate at the same time.

These stories are funny because of the playfulness they demonstrate. But there is a difference in using humor to bring affection into a relationship, and using it carelessly to make fun of a spouse. Your wife may see to be entertained when you poke fun, but it truly can do more damage than you realize. For example, Don explained that before he participated in my Light Her Fire marriage counseling alternative, his wife Jacki would often be the scapegoat of his humor, poking fun. He'd playfully pick on her cooking, her driving, her emotions, even around other people. He did not mean it to be ugly, but now he realizes that it was very mean. So one night he found the opportunity to surprise her. She was taking a class on zoology at the local college, and sharing it with their dinner guests. Normally he would have made a wisecrack about her wanting to be the The Crocodile Huntress. Instead he just put his arm around her, and said how proud he was of her continuing education, and how interesting her stories were. Not only was she beaming, she later commented that she expected him to poke fun, and he got to feel like her hero.

So what is funny and what is mean? Check in with yourself:

Is this a sensitive issue for your wife/partner?

Is this topic a weak area of hers that she may be self-conscious of?

Are you revealing a conversation you had in private that could feel like a betrayal of confidence?

Is there any chance you will humiliate her?

Follow these guidelines and find silly ways to bring humor and love into your marriage.
About the Author
Dr. Ellen Kreidman, PhD, has saved thousands of marriages with her alternative to marriage counseling Light Your Fire. Her newest blog, www.lightherfire.com is exclusively for men, and offers insightful help for marriage problems.
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