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Dating Tips for Men and Just Being Friends

Jul 26, 2008
I have often heard members of The Seduction community express the idea that ending up in the 'friend zone' is sad news. Usually when I hear it mentioned in a workshop the fear becomes tangible. I'd like to permanently change how guys interpret what the 'Friend Zone' really is. It definitely isn't something you should be afraid of as long as you are the one in control of it. We're about to make friends with the 'friend zone' so hang on tight...

A while back I met a very hot redhead named Amy at a club. We really seemed to hit it off and I got what I considered to be a solid number close. Our first date was set. So the next night we met for mojitos at a little restaurant when I observed something odd; despite my best efforts there was a noticeable lack of chemistry between us. Truth be told, regardless of how skilled you become, it is impossible to mesh perfectly with 100% of the ladies you date. So what now? This is where a little solid calibration comes in handy. I believe what many men would try is to 'push through' and continue attempting to create the chemistry with her until either it happens, or it doesn't and she blows you off. Sound familiar?

So there we are sitting together in a plush leathery coach and I knew I was at that very crossroads. I really did want to take her home but I was aware if I continued to escalate that the chances of her blowing me off were very substantial. So I impulsively made the decision to try something new. Thus began the 'Preemptive Friendzone' technique. Before she had a chance to reject me outright I very warmly and sincerely friendzoned her first. The warmth and caring with which I did it was the key. The objective wasn't to make her feel bad simply to feel like I rejected her first. My goal was to actually become friends with her. Let us briefly examine some of the more obvious benefits of having a hot female friend:

A: They will become an invaluable feedback resource for you. Who better to answer your questions about women and dating and all that stuff than a well practiced woman!

B: She becomes your Wing. You can and should assign them the job of hooking you up with other hot girls. Sorry guys, but I'll take one of my lady friends any day of the week over the best PUA wingman.

C: There is a good probability that she will start lusting after you. As a matter of fact, it's quite likely to occur eventually. I believe the reason for this is that once we are 'just friends' with them we release a lot of the pressure on ourselves. We no longer feel that urgency to attract them or make them comfortable or do whatever it was that you were doing that wasn't working in the first place. I don't like clichés much but it actually becomes easier to just be yourself.

Now if there is one thing that a hot girl is not used to it's the guy telling her first that he just wants to be friends. She will be so confused, and every bit of it is to your advantage. The trick is to really mean it. You should not use this technique and be thinking 'gonna get her in bed later, gonna get her in bed later.' Women are not stupid and she will most certainly detect if you have an ulterior motive. Simply let her go (at least for a little while;) as one of your targets and focus on all of the other hot girls you're going to meet because of her.

So I said to Amy, "Wow, you are a really cool girl. And you're definitely very attractive too, I just feel like were really meant to be good buddies or something." Pay close attention to her reaction, it will almost always be poorly masked shock. And from here you will find that the transition to a new and mutually beneficial friendship is relatively simple. Providing you have some basic social skills she will most likely hang out with you again simply because you friend zoned her first and by doing so tipped the status seesaw more in your favor. Just make sure that you are not deceiving yourself here. Are you truly behaving like a buddy would when you are together or are you still 'gamin her?'

Here are a few telltale signs that indicate for me that I am really amongst friends: I burp a lot. I have lots of playful touching going on. I have no problem saying pretty offensive things. I am free to share my personal thoughts and feelings, etc... So just to sum things up: the friend zone should not ever be your goal initially. This technique is to be used when you are dealing with inevitable meltdown. That being said, you will find that cultivating hot female friends will have incredible benefits to your social life and love life as well.

Have fun,

Julian Foxx

PS: To this day Amy is still a good friend of mine somehow, even after I dated her sister;)
About the Author
Julian Foxx is considered by many to be the fastest Rising Star in the pickup artist and dating community. His jaw dropping effectiveness with women is matched only by his ability to innovate powerful new techniques, giving their user a ridiculously unfair advantage. Check out JulianFoxx.com and read Julian's thoughts on Neil Strauss at http://www.julianfoxx.com/neil-strauss
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