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My Marriage: How Do I Save It? From Woodstock, Algonquin and Mchenry

Aug 5, 2008
Relationships are great at the start. You are both smitten with each other and still discovering how great it can be.

As time passes however, most partners get used to each other and if they fail to keep relating to each other in stimulating and rewarding ways, then there is a tendency to grow apart. Sooner or later, one spouse decides that he or she has had enough and wants to break-up.

What a mistake! Often one partner suddenly wakes up at this point and realizes the seriousness and life-changing impact of what has been taking place for months or maybe even years; these consequences had never even been considered previously.

You experience sudden panic at the thought of losing your partner and then start to plead with him or her to change his or her mind. You start pouring out your heart and promise that everything will change.

Stop, cease and desist! Pleading will not work! The worst thing you could do is beg your partner to change her mind.

She will not. In fact, most likely, you will end up just make things worse.

Do not over-promise. That is, do not make promises that you will not be able to keep; after all he or she will not believe them anyway.

As difficult as it may be, the answer lies in you taking a step back from the situation, gaining a detached perspective from the very top of the mountain, visualizing a good life by yourself, then, getting on with it.

Often, demonstrating that you can live without him or her will actually bring him or her closer. This may be hard for you to understand, but my 30 years of clinical experience in relationship counseling, verify that it is true.

The answer is that people respect those who have a stimulating and independent life. So, get that life - you might be pleasantly surprised by the results.

Several weeks ago, a client of mine who had a long-standing relationship had a girlfriend who wanted to break up with him. He and his partner had drifted apart for several reasons and he tried very hard and for a long time to stop her from leaving.

Nothing worked, however, and very exhausted and emotionally spent, he finally gave up. He realized through counseling, that he would be better off getting his own life than trying desperately to hold on to one with her, that was going nowhere, fast.

What happened next absolutely stunned him and threw him for a loop. He stopped begging and told her that he had accepted that it was done and that they should both go their own separate ways.

He thought that was the end of it and that that was actually what she wanted. But, guess what?

He discovered that he was wrong? Now, she wanted him back and it was he who looked like the bad guy!

He looked like the one who was breaking up the relationship! You see, there can be hope of saving ones relationship, even when things look bleakest.

However, by that point, he had gone through too much and his former girlfriends pleading simply pushed him away. However, interestingly enough, he disclosed to me more than once, that he still wonders what might have happened had he discovered this little-known key to lasting relationships earlier.

Perhaps, they still might be together and maybe, even happily married. If you use this little-known key to lasting relationships, maybe you can stop your divorce and even save your marriage.
About the Author
Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo and Lake-in-the-Hills. He's an expert psychologist. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appt orlearn more about counseling at: http://www.carypsychology.com
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