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What to Do When You Hate Your Ex's New Spouse

Aug 6, 2008
They simply couldn't be happier, and you, every time you see them, you want to scream as loud as possible, not because you want them back or out of jealousy, but because you absolutely hate your ex's new spouse. So, how can you cope with these intense feelings while still retaining all of your dignity?

The first thing to remember is that luckily, this person is your ex's problem, not yours, and unless you have children together, anything that goes on in their life now is really none of your concern, unless, of course, they are making it your business. And, if your ex continues to do so, you have one of two options, either grit your teeth and keep your feelings to yourself, or be honest, but also tactful, and let them know how you really feel about him or her. What type of relationship do you and your ex have now, and is it possible to have a civil conversation without arguing?

What is the actual reason you hate them or have such intense feelings of dislike toward them? Hopefully it won't be because of any personal feelings you still have left for your spouse, as it's important to face reality and realize that portion of your life is now over. Seek counseling, talk to friends and family, get out and about and meet new people, and do whatever is necessary to move on with your own life.

If your own personal agenda has nothing to do with your feelings for their new mate, what else is causing you such distress? If it's how they behave toward or treat your children, then it's time to address the issue with both of them and make it clear what it is you won't be tolerating anymore. If your children are older and they're somehow trying to pit you and him or her against one another, then also make it clear to them that that behavior won't be allowed either.

If you hate your ex's new husband or wife because of the way they treat them, then this, is again, not really any of your business. While it may be noble to be defensive and still care about your ex and feel a sense of loyalty, your obligation to them is over now and as an adult, they're responsible for their own well being and it's up to them to address their spouse's bad behavior.

Is it possible your feelings may stem from your own emotions and feelings about your ex getting remarried? Not due to jealousy or because you still love your ex spouse, but rather a feeling of being "left out," so to speak. If so, for your own sake, channel your energies of hatred into something positive for yourself and your own family.

Spending your time having feelings of ill will toward someone else really serves no good purpose but instead, festers over time and causes one to become bitter, cynical, and lonely, something none of us wants.
About the Author
If you're considering divorce or simply need some immediate answers, visit http://www.xstilla.com today. We are a FREE resource site for people who are contemplating, considering or recovering from divorce. Visit our large database of articles and resources or post a message on our interactive forum. Either way, you will find the online divorce help you need. Don't wait. Visit http://www.xstilla.com today!
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