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I'd Rather Die Than Be Fat and Other Stupid, Moronic Things People Say That Annoy Us

Aug 16, 2008
We think it's extremely odd, weird, annoying, ridiculous and outrageous that some chunky girls actually say, "I'd rather die than be fat." We know they do. We've heard them say it and we're positive we've read it somewhere but we don't want to have to look it up and prove it. That would take extra typing and that's exercise. Who needs skinny digits?

We would like to point out how self-centered, selfish, stupid, and damn dumb that statement is. The world is full of people dying who don't want to - of war, pestilence, natural disaster, disease, and starvation to name a few. Yet we have women in this very wealthy [for now] country who whine that they'd rather die because they don't look like a Hollywood starlet.

The first thing to know is that Hollywood starlets don't even look like Hollywood starlets. Have you ever seen one of these doggy babes before the hair and make up and personal trainer and diet pills? They looked just like us! Like real women with real hips who might even have real lives. Laura started her career making films in Hollywood but because she didn't want to follow in her mother's footsteps on the path of anorexia, she couldn't compete with the pencil thin babes that were all the rage in those days.

But hip-hip hooray, the times they are achanging. Now we have Ugly Betty - who isn't really ugly and not in our opinion fat ... but compared to Nicole Kidman she's a moose. But don't we all love her anyway? We have tons of gorgeous B-FABs (Beautiful Fat Ass Babes) to look up to now - the gorgeous Jennifer Hudson, Latifah the Queen and bootilicious Kim Kardashian to name just a few. Why are women still berating themselves when we finally have role models that we can respect and emulate?

We're tired of being lectured by skinny-ass doctors, friends, relatives, neighbors, cashiers, train conductors and strangers in line behind us at the Duane Reade about how we are risking our health because of our size and how shameful that is. These people are often criticizing us while smoking, on their way to a bar for a martini lunch or simply breathing the air in a city. Why, we wonder out loud caustically, do they think they belong on their high horses? Oh yes. Some of them are also doing horse. The heroin. The smack. Even that is better than being fat according to this narrow minded, biased, thin-obsessed, mental-health-sucking pop culture. Not that we're annoyed (yes we are.)

There's lots worse things than being overweight. They include being mean to others, being arrogant and shallow and concerned with nothing except what we were born looking like. We say it's time to change that. We'd rather live and be happy than spend our time obsessing about thin-ness. Laura is a size 14 and Janette is a size medium, large, extra large, 16, 18 or 20 depending on the outfit. Surely there is more to judge us by than that. Laura and Janette weigh about the same but Laura is 5'11" and Janette fits neatly underneath a table (5'3"). We have lives, boyfriends, businesses and a mission. That mission is to carry a message of self acceptance for B-FABs (Beautiful Fat Ass Babes) everywhere that we can use to beat those mean skinny babes over the head with.

We are fine as we are. And you, the reader who isn't a stick figure ... you're fine too.

Don't waste time hating yourself. Self-loathing is more fattening than fudge. Hating yourself will just make it all worse. Instead, get a cookie, put your feet up and spend some time learning to love yourself as you are and leave the dying alone. Hrmmph. It's time someone took a stand and said this!
About the Author
Laura Banks and Janette Barber are the bestselling authors of Embracing Your Big Fat Ass (Atria). They write about positive body-image, weight-acceptance, self-esteem with humor. It's time to love your BFA (Big Fat Ass). Janette is a 6 time Emmy-Award winning producer/writer and Laura is a columnist at Tarot.com. Embracing Your Big Fat Ass .
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