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Jealousy in a Marriage - Good or Bad?

Aug 24, 2008
In ancient times they used to say that jealousy is a sign of love. But is this still true these days? What does it mean when your partner is jealous and what can you do about it?

As a part of a married couple, you would know whether you have the tendency to be jealous with reasons that are most often not justified enough.

Arguments originating from jealousy often get irrational and very emotional and it is hard to cope with the negative feelings that emerge from it. However, we should try to grab these negative emotions and use them to make the relationship stronger. At least it is emotions and any emotion can be used in good ways or bad ways.

Here are some tips on how you can improve on your marriage by trying to avoid succumbing to jealousy:

1. Try to get an insight of your inner self

Try asking yourself why exactly you are getting jealous in a certain moment. Are there signs that your partner may actually betray you or is it just that you think it might happen some day?

Trust is the best defense against jealousy. When two people trust each other jealousy is much less likely to get any chance at all. However, distrust is the perfect foundation on which jealousy can grow - and eventually get out of control.

If it really with your time to get jealous at a certain point?

2. Actually a certain amount of jealousy can be healthy for a marriage. This goes as long as it doesn't reach a critical level and distrust and anger become the predominant feelings. Jealousy actually has its roots in our desire to preserve what we have when we get the feeling that something or somebody might be taken from us.

There is nothing wrong with having this feeling because it is mans natural instinct to protect his territory. Just make sure that you know how to do it in a manner that will not be hurtful to you or to your partner. After all, your purpose is to protect your partner and preserve your relationship.

If you keep these goals in mind, you can try to not to curb your jealousy and use it in a more positive way to improve your relationship.

3. Track down the root of these feelings. The way that you feel is the outcome of a certain situation. Ask yourself why you have a feeling of jealousy. If this feeling actually comes from an insecurity that you have it could be a feeling of shortcoming that you are lacking in something. Or it could be a result of a deep-seated doubt that you have in about relationship with your partner.

This can also be caused by fear, or a past hurt that you have carried in to adulthood.

There might be many other causes but most of the time there has been one particular occurrence in the past that caused that certain type of trust to get lost and be replaced by chronic distrust and fear.

It is crucial that you find the reason for these feelings within yourself.

4. There are also other types of jealousy.

You might be jealous of things or traits your partner has and you don't.

By going to the root of the problem, you can properly address your feelings.

5. Try to think for a moment what jealousy does to the feelings of your partner.

Very often jealousy can end in divorce if the couple cannot find a way to manage these feelings.

Have you ever thought how it feels if your partner is jealous all the time? Try to put yourself in the shoes of your spouse and understand what this would do to your feelings if you were him or her.

6. Fighting irrational jealousy through better understanding of yourself

In case you find that the reason for jealousy is low self-esteem then you should work on changing your attitude. Of course this is easier said than done but many couples have successfully managed to keep this dangerous animal jealousy under control through gaining a better self-understanding first.

7. Learn to accept risks.

You might fear to be disappointed by your partner and do anything you can to fight a situation where you could possibly be disappointed.

In life you must accept taking risks because there is no way to avoid ever getting hurt. Try to accept this as a basic fact in life. There is no life vest against getting hurt.

Learning to deal with these feelings will help you to have a happier and lasting marriage.
About the Author
If you want to learn more about coping with with relationship communication issues please visit our marriage problem section at 2saveamarriage.com.
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