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Do You Really Have to be Thin to Catch a Man and if You Do is the Idiot Worth Having?

Aug 25, 2008
We recently asked ourselves the question: Do you have to channel Twiggy to have any hope of catching a live one? This led us to another question: What kind of a dork only likes you for a number on the scale? And then we proceeded to a third question: Is it really the men who don't like us or is it we that don't like ourselves? If you don't like yourself can you really expect a good man to leap into the fray and ask you out?

We wonder if we can write an entire article by only asking questions? Do you think we can? Or would it be better to try to provide some answers?

Here's the thing. It's not really that complicated. Some men like skinny women, some like voluptuous women and some like chunky girls. It's just like ice cream. Some people like vanilla, some like chocolate but that doesn't make strawberry wrong. Believe us, there are plenty of men in the world and Janette has dated most of them at least once. Some of them were mean and thought she should be thinner. Those were the men she dumped (usually right after they dumped her.) Some seemed to like her weight more than they liked her. Those were the other ones she dumped (usually right after they begged to see her thigh flab wiggle.) But some men are just wonderful people who saw her for who she was.

Janette has been in a relationship with her boyfriend Barry who's perfect for almost thirteen years now. Early on in their relationship he came to her apartment one night after work and handed her a newspaper folded to highlight a VERY thin model in a bikini. Janette's stomach dropped. She expected to be told to tape it to the refrigerator to help her hate herself every time she ate. As she held the paper looking at it as if it were a tarantula, Barry pointed to the model's mid-section where her ribs were actually showing. "I brought this home so you could see how ugly she looks," he said. Rib cage as it turns out does not make every man hot. Some men enjoy steak with their potatoes and Janette, luckily, was sporting steak, potato, pasta and chocolate cake all over her bones.

The lesson here is that you don't need to change to fit the man. You just need to find the man that fits you. We recommend that you start by accepting yourself exactly as you are before you even consider dating. Then go ahead and go wild. Imagine your partner as a giant pastry to make him more appealing. A chocolate cannoli is a great choice or a Napoleon. This is meant in no way to disparage other great choices like cake. Cake is always good and so are brownies particularly with raspberry sauce. It might be more exciting, come to think of it, if you imagine your partner as a display case.

It's obvious that romance, fat and indulging yourself with food go hand in hand. A good man will bring you candy even if it isn't Valentine's Day. It's their way of saying "I'm fine with your ass just the way it is honey. Your ass looks great in those giant jeans. In fact, have another truffle and make it even bigger. We can show home movies on it to our chubby children." Remember the old maxim: A family that projects onto a big fat ass together stays together.

In closing, our best advice is this. If the man you are hot for isn't hot for you - then he's a loser and you need to get rid of him and go find the man who's right for you, because, trust us, he's out there.
About the Author
Laura Banks and Janette Barber are the bestselling authors of Embracing Your Big Fat Ass (Atria). They write about positive body-image, weight-acceptance, self-esteem with humor. It's time to love your BFA (Big Fat Ass). Janette is a 6 time Emmy-Award winning producer/writer and Laura is a columnist at Tarot.com. Embracing Your Big Fat Ass .
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