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Cheating Spouses: Should You Stay With Them?

Aug 26, 2008
It's not easy when you find out your spouse is having an affair. Maybe you haven't quite found out yet, but your gut is telling you they are.

Trust your gut. Statistics show that 80% of women and 50% of men who think their spouse is cheating are correct.

When you first find out or feel as though your partner is having an affair, it's natural to think that you did something wrong. The first thing I want to share with you is that this is NOT your fault. You didn't do this to you or your spouse. They are the one's who did this.

Affairs happen for many reasons, and they happen to many people. The second thing I want to share with you is that you are NOT alone. Don't feel like you can't share this with others. There are communities out on the internet that are great support groups because they are full of people going through exactly what you are going through.

I think the best part about these communities is that the people you are leaning on are completely nutrual. They don't know you, or your spouse, so the opinions they share are from the heart, without any bias.

What they offer you that many others can't is that they have been through exactly what you are going through. They understand everything you are feeling and can tell you what else to expect.

People cheat for many different reasons, and those reasons typically differ for men and women. The bottom line is that people cheat when their basic needs aren't being met.

I think every couple should write down their top five needs in their relationship, and share them with their partner. You will see that the lists are completely different from one another.

You can't get mad at your spouse for what they say their needs are. These are their needs, not yours. They are supposed to be different. What you need to do is understand those needs, and work to try and meet and even exceed those needs.

This is how successful relationships are built. I am sure most couples don't know what their spouse's needs are, and the reason they don't know, is they never ask.

This is called communication, and it opens the door to a healthy marriage. When you are honest and open with one another, you create a transparency, where you really know your spouse, what they want, what they need and how to meet those needs.

When one spouse feels their needs aren't being met, and they can't communicate it with the other, they may decide to fulfill these needs elsewhere. This is a driving factor for why affairs begin.

If you are feeling like your spouse is having or you know they have had an affair, you need to evaluate what their needs are and see if you have met them.

An affair is not the end of a marriage. You have developed so much together, it is hard to walk away and divorce, despite the social and family pressures you may be feeling. Again, this is where an on-line support community can be beneficial.

My advice is to not give up. If you have something worth saving, then save it. Don't throw everything away. If you realize that you and your partner are not meeting each other's needs, than work a plan to start communicating.

Begin to ask each other things that you can do, or what they expect. You need to satisfy each other, the way you did when you were dating.

As you begin to understand the expectations you have for one another, you will notice that your communication increases, and it will be easier to talk to your spouse, and you will have less fights.

You will find new activities to share in together, and you will make sacrafices for one another. You will begin to love the marriage that you have. What you will notice most is that you will be more responsive to your spouse's needs, and you will find yourself to be a more trusting spouse.

I know you may think it impossible to trust anyone ever again, but when you create a transparency through communication, you will trust your spouse because you are open with each other, and you know what they are wanting, needing and expecting.

Don't give up. No one who has ever given up has ever won anything. Stay with your marriage, your spouse. It will take work, and you will need support. But don't give up.

In many instances, couples have gone on to live happier marriages after an affair. You are thinking that it's impossible, aren't you? But when you open up communication, and learn new things and constantly set out to please one another, you will find a joy and euphoria that you haven't experienced in years, if ever.

Imagine what you would lose if you just left your spouse because your family and friends are telling you it's not worth saving. What do they know? It's your life, your spouse, and your marriage. You know it's worth saving.

The affair is an eye-opener, yes, but it is also a cry for help. Get the help you need, and live the marriage you always dreamed of.
About the Author
Affairs can ruin a relationship if you let them. But if you have a relationship with a partner you love and trust, I suggest committing to a program that will help you stay together. Don't let infidelity ruin your marriage. Join Our FREE Newsletter and grab a copy of your FREE Gift!
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