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She's Hot, You're Not...How To Make a Woman Like You Anyway

Aug 31, 2008
The most frequently asked question from single men is how they can get the attention of available women, and most particularly the one woman they find themselves crazy about. The one that has no idea of his feelings or romantic interest.

Certainly, there are superficial, materialistic women in the world that are more focused on a man's wallet, profession and possessions than his heart and character. And these women tend to align themselves with what I'll politely term "the highest bidder."

But do you really want to consider THOSE types of women as prospects for your heart? There are thousands of beautiful, intelligent young women that are looking for solid love and commitment; a man's bank balance, job title or industry connections are NOT their top priority. These are the women you should focus on.

So let's get started by examining something that should be obvious...

(1) Women Are Not Men and Have Different Needs. What this means in dating is that women, when looking for a partner, have different selection criteria than men do.
Men are very visual creatures and often feel that if a woman is physically attractive to him, that she is Ms. Right.

Women typically look for a man that is honest, stable, confident, who makes her laugh, and who can engage her mind with conversation and her emotions by touching her heart. As long as a guy is not a turnoff, she is usually open to conversation with him. And this openness provides you with an opportunity to make all those things happen!

(2) Negative Behaviors Should be Avoided or Eliminated. I'm sometimes horrified at the gaffs men make when attempting to develop a woman's romantic interest. If you want a female to find you attractive and to consider you as a possible boyfriend, there are some things you absolutely positively must avoid:

o Arrogance. Being a know it all, a stuffed shirt or expressing negative opinions about her attire, opinions, hair, friends, family, or hobbies/interests is a major no-no. If she thinks you disapprove of her in any way, why would she want to have you in her life? This does not mean you have to agree with every position she takes, but take care not to put HER down even as you express your controverting opinion.

o Poor Hygiene. Brush your teeth, wash your hair, and clean underneath your nails. Keep your hands clean, and shower at least once per day. There is nothing more of a turnoff for women than smelling a man's underarms or feet.

o Inappropriate Conversation. Some men are just uncouth cads, make sure you don't fall into this category. Cat calling at females from your car while driving down the street -- NOT. Making comments about her body or how horny you feel are insulting and rude. Talking about your ex repeatedly or asking overly personal questions about her past romances during early conversations are guaranteed ways to put her off and TURN her off.

(3) Positive Behaviors to Focus On. Over the past 15 years I've talked and interacted with thousands of women around the world about men and their dating or long-term relationships. And there are six key behaviors that women have repeatedly requested or "wished" men would demonstrate.

o From the most beautiful creature to the most plain, from the pre-teen to the senior citizen, you must take care to treat all women with kindness and courtesy. Women closely observe how a man interacts with and treats other women, especially those in his family and those he has no sexual interest in. You can get big points or knock yourself out of the running quickly by ignoring this top guideline.

o Truly listen to what she says and openly share information about yourself. Women develop emotional closeness with those they have rapport with; rapport is built through frequent exchanges of conversation. Show an interest in what she says, where she goes, her dreams and aspirations, and the stories she shares about her friends and family. Remember her favorite color, flower and the name of her dog. Tell her your stories and let her into your life.

o Be a man of your word. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Responsibly follow through on things you promise to do. Broken promises cause sadness and disappointment. And a woman that feels sad and disappointed in you is not likely to want to put herself in the position of needing a man that is flakey and undependable.

o Engage her mentally. Even if you are shy and have to memorize stories you read on the Internet, surveys, study results that relate somehow to her lifestyle or interests, or your thoughts on politics and stories in the news, strive to have something interesting to talk about. If you can be witty and make her laugh, that's icing on the cake! Women love to be around men that can find the humor in life's many situations and lift her spirits when she's down.

o Demonstrate confident decisiveness. Nothing turns a woman off more than a man who is weak, needy or fearful. Always stand up for yourself and command respect. Have a plan for your life and for any date you take her on. A woman cannot fall in love with a man she does not respect.

o Many men don't know when to stop joking and playing around, and come across as an unintelligent and immature. Making jokes about her weight, age, figure, or thick ankles are definitely in that category. Giving some off the cuff answer when she asks you a serious question is a mind-game that no one will appreciate. There is a time to joke around and a time to be serious; and there is a time to just listen and let her vent, and a time to offer suggestions and your help. Stop for a minute and consider her feelings before you do or say anything you'll later regret.

When a woman wants a man to love, she picks him with an eye to the future. A stellar reputation as a fun loving guy who is a gentleman to all women and a man of his word will have women talking about you in positive ways.

Such respect and admiration will bring you dozens of opportunities to meet and interact with attractive single women, one of whom just might be your Ms. Right!
About the Author
(c) 2008 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Wednesday night at 7:00 pm PST.
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