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Hollywood Does Not Leave Us Feeling Happily Ever After

Sep 1, 2008
The movie... we loved it. The clothes, the friendships, even the predictable storyline worked. The Sex in the City movie took us back to 2003 and all the fun things we were pursuing in the early turn of the century. (We have no idea what we were up to then, but we figure it must have been fun because we were five years younger and spike heels were still comfortable.) In the film, our size two heroine Carrie is now a bestselling author posing in Vogue as a celebrity fashion model.

The fab four have barely aged a day and once again, they are taking Manhattan by storm. Mr. Big is back to attempt to seal the deal with Carrie. Sarah has that uniquely beautiful thing going on - not cookie cutter beautiful - but smart and funny and glamorous and stunning and outrageously genuine. (Jennifer Grey, take note, you should have kept your old nose.) As much as we loved the film, we do have one bone to pick - these four gals are just too thin. At least B-FAB Jennifer Hudson plays Samantha's assistant. Now there's a woman!

Stick thin. That is one way to describe Sarah Jessica Parker, aka Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City. Then remember oversexed Samantha. We saw Sam naked in every conceivable position when it was the hit HBO TV show, and Kim Cattrall had the body to get away with that - and still does. Our other two famous femmes, Miranda and Charlotte, are lovely as well and not a gosh darned extra pound between all four of them. It would take at least two Carries to equal one little B-FAB. Janette suggests that Carrie's dress would fit her right thigh and Laura could wear her Sarah's pants as a shrug. This is par for the course in the land of make believe; Hollywood has always demanded successful actresses come in size zero to one. Barely one of our arms could fit into her pant leg. Yes, we're mad - because it's annoying.

There is a scene in the film that, frankly, almost drove us to drink. (Okay, we already drink, but it drove us to drink more than usual.) Samantha jets in from Los Angeles to be at the wedding shower and bachelor party in NYC. The elevator door opens... and everyone goes, "OH, MY GOD!" With their jaws on the floor in shock over Samantha's tiny paunch. And we mean TINY! Maybe Samantha had put on five pounds but all the gals looked at her as if she were an elephant from the circus. The camera zooms in on her bare midriff coming out of an elevator, and from the reaction you'd think she was Two Ton Tilley. The look on their faces said, "Samantha, you cow. How could you let yourself go like this?" Now, as audience members who paid $10.75 to be entertained, the movie in that moment made us stop eating those last three kernels of buttered popcorn and our bag of red licorice and wince with pain. We wanted to blurt out at the screen, "She looks FINE! That's not fat. We'll show you fat!" (Janette had to be restrained from doing that thing where she wags her butt until her thighs applaud.) Samantha went on to explain how she had put on weight in her unhappy relationship with her perfect specimen of a boyfriend/model/man-boy boy toy.

This was a ridiculous plot twist to put into this almost perfect Sex in the City movie. Who can we complain to? The Motion Picture Association of America? The President of the United States? HBO? All us normal size babes have, for years, been able to overlook these gals' dress sizes, but pointing out a paunchless-paunch? Now they've gone too far.

We live in New York. We're considering hunting down SJP in Greenwich Village and demanding a press conference! In our imagination, Sarah would come out in front of hundreds of reporters and flashing photographers and say, "Wow. We were so silly about that fat tummy part of the movie. The next movie, Sex in the City Two, will be all about the four of us gaining weight while in happy relationships and learning how to love ourselves for exactly the way we are." Then she'll tell us that the only one who will remain thin and gorgeous is Samantha. That's because she stays single and continues to have sex with men half her age. Some, quite frankly, who barely speak English. Then SJP'll wave at all of us and say, "Well, that's the end of the press conference. Thanks for coming out." Then she'd do an elegant Audrey Hepburn type turn in her Jimmy Choo shoes and go back to her life as a normal wife with Matthew.

Yeah... that will happen. And we have some swampland in Florida we'd love to sell and maybe we should start a pyramid scheme.
About the Author
Laura Banks and Janette Barber are the bestselling authors of Embracing Your Big Fat Ass (Atria). They write about positive body-image, weight-acceptance, self-esteem with humor. It's time to love your BFA (Big Fat Ass). Janette is a 6 time Emmy-Award winning producer/writer and Laura is a columnist at Tarot.com. Embracing Your Big Fat Ass .
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