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Love, Art, Humor And Widowhood

Sep 5, 2008
A few years ago I had quite a different life. I suddenly found myself a young single mother with three children to journey through life with. My neuvo-unmarried status was not a choice of mine. Fate had dealt me a losing hand. Never would I have imagined that when I kissed my husband good-bye that fateful morning it would be our last kiss.

My children greeted me as I arrived home later that evening. They seemed concerned that their father had not arrived home. I made frantic phone calls to friends and relatives. I had a feeling deep within my core that something was horribly wrong. My feelings were confirmed a short while later when I noticed a car slowly approach my house. My oldest daughter sensed something was amiss. There was a knock on the door. She pleaded with me not to answer.

I did so anyway, only to find a policeman with a sad look in his eyes. I knew before he told me what he was going to say. Call it a sixth sense. . I immediately fell to my knees, I childishly covered my ears with my hands and threw the phone at him. On the phone was my husbands' brother whom I had been speaking with at the time. I heard the detectives words they burned deep into my being. He informed me that my husband was dead. For the next several weeks I was living in a fog.

Close friends and family took over the daily routine of my life until I was through the initial shock. However the pain remained relentless. There was pain in every breathe I took and every thought I felt. Pain it was my constant companion, It kept me company in those long sleepless nights. The nights were always the worst. Darkness begets darkness. My pain was so immense that it burned through my veins circulating through my heart. There was no reprise. Pain ruled my impulses. At one point I considered ending it all. I plotted my own demise. It would have been so easy. So easy to curl up into a fetal position and reverse life. At one point I ran my car off the road only to turn the wheel back at the point of no return. I had pills. I had a gun. I toyed with these ideas, like a cat toys with its prey right before it pounces. The idea of the gun seemed most appropriate as it would be quick and no changing of my mind at the last minute.

I had a lucid thought, who would clean the mess up? I began to laugh uncontrollably, then came the tears. I slept that night a long restful sleep. I awoke the next morning with a plan. Laughter and a plan, they have carried me far. I now enjoy life. I am a proud mother and grandmother of beautiful grown and infant children. I love life, humor, theater and the arts. Life goes on, and, surprisingly, it has only just begun.
About the Author
Donna J. Skinner is a freelance writer, school teacher, and art lover. Her son-in-law is the world famous metal-sculpturer Marcos Cruz
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