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Finding Time When You Have Kids

Sep 5, 2008
Having kids can be really hard on a relationship. Both of the parties have to put the kids and their needs first and the result is that there is often very little time left over for the relationship.

While it can be challenging to keep the romance alive when you have kids, it is not impossible. You just have to want to make time and then you will find that you are able to find those little moments that will come to mean so much.

When you have kids you have to learn how to change your expectations of the time with your spouse. Before you had children you may have spent hours in bed together just talking, making love, and relaxing. Chances are when you have kids this isn't going to happen all that often, if at all.

When you do spend hours at a time in bed you'll probably be sleeping. Instead of focusing on the time that you don't get in bed together, make the time that you do have count. Tell the kids that you need to have some "parent time" and go in the bedroom and lock the door. You may only get 20 to 30 minutes, but you can make a lot happen in that time!

You have to be willing to be spontaneous when you have kids. If it is the middle of the afternoon and all of the kids are napping, why not make the most of it? You don't necessarily have to have sex, but you could find time to talk, share concerns, or just spend some quality time together. The same thing can be said for the morning hours. Why not get up 20 minutes earlier and have the morning time be your time to reconnect? You would be amazed at how 20 minutes can make a big difference in your relationship!

It's important when you have kids to remember that you are not only a mom or a dad, but you are a spouse. Make time at least once a month to have a date night. Have a friend or family member watch the kids for a few hours so you can go to dinner, participate in a shared hobby, or go to the movies. Having this time where you don't need to worry about the kids and you can just focus on one another will allow you to breathe new life into your relationship and remember what you had before there was kids.

Many couples spend so much time concentrating on their kids that they lose touch with one another. This can provide devastating for the relationship long term. For this reason, you need to find time in all of the craziness to reconnect with one another. If you want to make the time, you'll easily find the time and you'll make it work for you.
About the Author
Rodrigo Rehn is a Relationships Expert, Linux Systems Administrator, Web Programmer, PHP Developer and CEO of FaceRomance dating services.
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