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10 Ways to Connect with Your Children after a Divorce

Sep 5, 2008
After a divorce, you can feel really alone and upset. Some people don't realize that their children are probably feeling the same way and along with being scared and feeling insecure about what's going to happen. The best thing you can do to help your children feel safer and happier is to communicate and connect with them. They need to know that they have somewhere to turn and that you are still a family. Here are 10 ways to connect with your children after a divorce.

1. Use Idle Moments

There are so many times when we can really connect with our kids. For instance, when you're driving them to and from school, helping them with homework, or any other time when you're not doing something else. Take the time to ask them how they are feeling and really listen.

2. Let Them Help with Dinner

You can also connect with your children simply by doing things together. Ask them to help you with dinner and not only will they be learning important things and they will have the chance to talk to you and tell you about their feelings. Ask them about their day at school or anything else that will open up the lines of communication.

3. Have a Family Night

Another great idea is to have a family fun night. You could gather around the table and play board games, cuddle on the couch with popcorn and a good movie or go out to the bowling alley or skating rink. This is a great way to connect and have a little fun with your children, as well as strengthen the bonds between you.

4. Play Hooky

Once a month or every few months, check your child out of school around lunch time and take them to their favorite place to eat. This is a great chance to catch up with what's going on in their lives and have some good, quality time together. Try to schedule it during the classes your child is not struggling in or the ones they are really proficient with.

5. Slip Them a Note

Slip a note in your child's lunch box a few times a week. Tell them you love them, tell them a joke or just cut out a cartoon strip you think they would enjoy. This is a great reminder to your child during the day that you're thinking about them and that you love them.

6. Play Little Games

To connect with your child while you're doing ordinary things, like grocery shopping or visiting the bank and play little games with them. See who can spot the most shirts of a certain color or play word games. See which one of you can trip the other one up by coming up with rhyming words of things that are in view. Anything like this is a great chance to connect with your child.

7. Start a Project Together

Connect with your child by starting a great project together that will take a while to finish. Set up a puzzle on an unused table in your home and work on it together for an hour a day. Build plastic car models together or something else that you both enjoy.

8. Volunteer

Volunteer at a charity, VA hospital, regular hospital or somewhere else once or twice a month and take your child. You will be fostering a great character trait in your child and it's also a wonderful time to connect and spend time with him or her.

9. Learn Together

Take a local pottery class, art class or some other sort of class with your child. Find out what they are interested in and spend time learning about it with them. This is a great activity for your child and a great time for you to connect with them.

10. Before Bed

Before you tell your child good night, spend half an hour reading to them or talking about your own childhood or anything else that you want to talk about. This is a great routine to get your child into. It will help them unwind after their day and is a wonderful time to connect.

By connecting in these ways, you can help your child feel more secure, more special and eliminate their worry and anxiety about the divorce and their family.
About the Author
Dani Taylor is one of the most active members of the divorce support community at Xstilla.com. She is also the editor of the Children & Divorce section and the author of many articles that help people find their way through complicated cases of divorce and child support issues.
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