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Affairs and You: Can Nagging Lead To An Affair?

Sep 6, 2008
Nagging: "To be a persistent source of annoyance or distraction. To irritate by constant scolding or urging." That is the definition from Merriam-Webster.

This is what an individual feels when they think they are being "nagged". Who wants to deal with the constant annoyance and scolding? Not any grown adult I know.

So what is the root of nagging? Depending on where you look, you may find different answers, but from what I've learned, nagging is a result of a lack of communication between two partners.

It is a way for one person to actually illicit a response from the other, albeit a negative response. When one partner feels like communication is failing, and they need some sort of interaction from their other half, they resort to any means necessary to get some interaction.

Nagging is one way to achieve this. They ride you and pester you until finally you retaliate with anger and frustration. It worked for them; they got you to say something. They now know you are listening to them, and that's really all they wanted. They wanted some attention, to know you hear them. What they hope for is a positive exchange between the two of you, but negative communication is better than no communication.

Everyone has a need to feel wanted, needed, and important to someone else. That is a big reason why we choose to be with our spouse in the first place. We love that they care for us, want to be with us, understand us, and want to grow with us.

When those feelings subside, we begin to feel very insecure. We miss the interaction, compassion, conversation and love that we grew so accustomed to. We crave that energy, and we want it back.

Instead of expressing that we need attention, we fall into the nagging phase. Afraid to rock the boat more permanently, we feel nagging is more short term.

So we nag until we get the some response (attention) from our spouse. And this leads to a fight or argument, and snowballs the feelings of insecurity on both parties.

Can nagging, then, lead to an affair? The answer is absolutely yes! And the affair could come from either spouse.

This is because when nagging occurs, it is a sign that the basic needs of husband and wife are not being met. You are not giving your spouse the attention, they need, the feeling of security, and so on and so forth.

Likewise, they feel that you are not providing them with those same needs, and thus they nag you until you come through for them.

When basic needs aren't being met, physically or emotionally, a spouse will seek an alternate means to satisfy those needs. This is how affairs happen.

If you fail to pay attention to your spouse, show sincere interest in them, and let them know how important you are to them, they will find someone who can provide these essential needs.

How can you overcome this? I suggest you each sit down (individually) and write down what "your" marriage profile is. A marriage profile is simply what you expect your marriage to be like.

Start out from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed. Describe how your ideal day would go and where and how your spouse is included in that day.

Ask yourself these questions along the way:

* Do you share a meaningful conversation with your spouse when you wake up or do you just get ready for work?
*Do you eat meals together? Home or out?
*Do you call your spouse throughout the day or just wait until you get home?
*Do you think about your spouse during the day?
*Do you plan what you and your spouse will do later during the day or week? Any dates with your spouse?
*What do your conversations consist of?
*How many minutes during the day are you sharing meaningful conversation with your spouse?
*What activities do you do with your spouse?
*How do you end your evening with your spouse?
*Do you have meaningful conversation before bed?
*How happy are you after this "ideal" day?

Writing these things out and creating a profile is essential to happiness. Now see what your spouse has written and compare. This type of activity will create meaningful conversation and bring back the spark you are missing.

Constant nagging is a sign that something is wrong in your relationship, and you need to address it before one partner decided to either have an affair or get a divorce.

You just learned a great exercise to help build a better, more trusting relationship with your spouse. Practice this exercise and you can help eliminate nagging in your marriage.
About the Author
If you feel like you have a cheating spouse then visit our site to help with recovering from an affair.
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