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Complete Your Own Family Before Becoming a Surrogate

Sep 11, 2008
Deciding to become a surrogate mother is a very noble, selfless thing to do. The fact that a surrogate is willing to sacrifice her body, her emotions, and her time, and that her family is willing to sacrifice as well is a wonderful gift for her intended parents.

But a surrogate who decides to help another family before completing her own may find herself in a position that would require her to need a surrogate mother herself. A surrogate mother should always be done creating her own family before she considers helping someone else.

There are risks to every pregnancy. Many intended mothers have carried one or more children, possibly to term, and have suffered consequences that have caused them to become infertile.

Some have experienced the loss of a uterus. Others have been told that another pregnancy could put their life in danger. So they turn to surrogacy.

The fact of the matter is, that in many cases these women were presumed healthy before complications. Just as a surrogate mother is presumed healthy.

Though it may seem unlikely, every pregnancy a surrogate mother carries may be her last. She could develop serious complications that involve a total hysterectomy. She may have an emergency c-section cut incorrectly that could threaten her chances of carrying another child.

For those surrogates who have completed their families, it is a risk that they are able to take. But imagine for a moment if you will, becoming unable to have your own children in your desire to help someone else.

Typically, even though hormones and medications are involved in a surrogate pregnancy, it is not likely that some misfortune may happen to the surrogate. But twins, triplets, and more are quite common in gestational surrogacy, and the risk to the mother increases greatly.

It happens that a well-meaning surrogate mother has lost the ability to carry another child. More than once these surrogates have themselves become intended mothers, looking for a surrogate to assist them in completing their own families.

The thing is, this is all unnecessary. Those who wish to become surrogate mothers should simply wait until they have completed their own families. There is no need to rush; unfortunately, infertility seems to be reaching an all-time high.

Intended parents looking for a surrogate mother usually prefer one who is done having her own children. This relieves their worry about feeling guilty if their surrogate should become infertile while helping their family.

It also may help to ease some concern over her emotional state when it comes time to deliver the child. Though in most situations it is unwarranted, many intended parents fear that a surrogate mother will have trouble, emotionally, upon the birth of their child. Knowing she absolutely does not want another child goes a long way towards easing this doubt.

For these reasons, many agencies prefer surrogate mothers to have completed their families as well. All around, it just makes good sense.

So if you are considering surrogacy, and are not sure yet whether you are done having your own babies, wait. You'll be doing the best thing for your family as well as that which you help.
About the Author
Rayven Perkins is an author and two-time surrogate mother. To find out more information on surrogacy or how to become a traditional or gestational surrogate mother, please see her site
Information on Surrogacy
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